Saturday, 29 December 2012

A Quarter Of Our World..... 2

I have tried to avoid getting my husband angry since the incident that happened that night, and God knows i've definitely tried very hard to be a virtuous woman for him. Unfortunately for me though, Jide (my husband) does not need any cause to hit me again.

Two days after that night, i made him vegetables for dinner and my husband had a problem with it. He as good as bathe me with his dinner and pushed me aside as if i was some plague. I had to clean myself up and make him another dinner that day (rice mixed with vegetables). I was really hurt that my husband could treat me in such manner when he could have simply told me to boil some rice for him to have his vegetables with, but as i said earlier i'm what you call a fool and a coward. I just ignored the fact that he was rapidly changing and continued my duties in the home as his wife. At this point however, his family were already stressing me about having a child even though majority of them are in Nigeria. Some have even called me to accuse that i wanted to distance their son from them is the reason i "took him to live in the US with me". Few of his family living also here in the US are like the devil's agents. They come to the house unannounced, to insult me in my home and my husband has never bothered to stand up for me with them. When we first got married, we talked about having 3 or 4 children and when i told him a few months later that i was pregnant, he insisted that i had an abortion. I know what you're thinking, a married woman? an abortion?... Well yes, i am a married woman and my husband asked me to abort our first baby. I did as he wanted because i didn't want to crumble my marriage at such early stage, when all he wanted was just to enjoy his wife some more before the arrival of our kids. Ever since the abortion though, my husband insisted that we get pills and just to be safe in case i didn't use it (of course, i don't use it), he always uses a condom. Till this day, he still makes love with me with a condom... as if i'm a whore!

The day i called his aunt to explain my dilemma to her was the day i made the biggest mistake.When his family trouble was getting unbearable, i had to confide in my sister and she urged me to tell my story to one member of his family maybe they would understand my plight and talk to my husband. I chose his aunt because it took her some time to have a child as well, and she was still a little lenient with me. She was shocked by my revelation alright, and she promised to speak with my husband. She did as promised, but i didn't expect the sort of response i got from my husband. He got home that day from work looking furious, and demanded to have his dinner. I served him his best meal that i had spent hours in the kitchen preparing and he just looked at it and threw it away. I thanked God i wasn't in his line of sight or i would have been injured, but that was just a preamble. He got up, grabbed me by my hair into the bedroom and beat the living day light out of me! He finished beating me, stripped me naked and had rough sex with me (i dare not call it rape because he is afterall, my husband). He later got up, and said i wanted sex without protection and he had given it to me and then he walked out of the house, leaving me lying there crying like a new born........

Con amor

A Quarter Of Our World.....

I always thought that "change", meant to be virtually a different person but today taught me that I couldn't be more wrong. You can change a persons appearance and looks, but you can not change someone's attitude and outlook on the world.

I have a lot worrying me and though I vowed not to let any get to me, I just can't keep them at bay. My name is Ireti, and I am what you call a coward. I am the girl that doesn't even have the confidence to tell the truth when it is needed most, I'm the girl that accepts everyone's wrath like it is meant to be a part of me. I am the girl who doesn't have the nerve to say what it is I want n what I do not! So, in my definition, I'm a coward.
I should tell you a little about myself. I am 26 years of age, and reside in New York. I am an asthmatic patient, and I've had acute chest syndrome before. I read your blog and was really inspired by your confidence, the way you just express yourself and confidently aired your problem for the world to see. I have a hubby whom I love so very dearly, partly because he's been there through it all. He loves me too, but he's quite controlling and unreasonable at times. We met on my 23rd birthday, in Lagos Nigeria. He came with a friend of his, who was also a friend of mine so introduction was easily done. We exchanged contact that day, and after a few days, he expressed his interest in me. He told me he really admired my beauty and would love to be in a relationship with me. I didn't even wait to think twice about it, I said yes immediately. I was 23 years, single, with concerned parents, so I just wanted to be in a relationship that may lead to marriage. We started dating, and shared each others stories, dreams, aspirations. We professed love for each other, and met our families. Everything was going smooth, and before we knew it, we had been dating for two years. Wedding bells began to ring, and both families were excited. My wedding was planned, and it was beautiful. I felt the part of a happy bride and my groom was ecstatic. Honeymoon was in Paris, for less than 2 weeks. After the wedding though, and we had settled into our routines of a "normal life", we started having problems. If I left the house, my husband would accuse me of cheating. If I received a call, he could get angry and throw it out. When at work, he would call almost 10 times in a day just to confirm I was actually at work. Sometimes, he would 'drop by' without warning and if I wasn't at work, I knew I was in trouble. I have lived in a "home" like this with my husband for the past year. What I don't get though, is how I didn't notice his obsessive behaviour from the beginning. I told no one about this issue since I didn't think it was very serious. He was just jealous, and at least he never raised his hand to hit me. A few months ago, we decided to move to the United States after he won a visa lottery. I tried to reason with him that we had our lives here, with a job and our families. He wouldn't listen though, it was simply what he wanted and I "was to go with him" as his wife!

Just last month, I got a job and it has been like back home. He's always suspicious of my every movement and conversations, but this time, he cannot drop by unexpectedly at my office. So, he started hitting me. I had a lot to do at the hospital one day, and got home about 30 minutes after he did. As soon as I got home, I begged him and hurried to make a quick dinner. When I served him, he asked me to kneel down and started asking me questions. He asked me where I had been, why his dinner wasn't waiting for him when he got home and if what I was doing was more important than he was. I tried explaining myself to him, but he would hear none of it. He accused me of all sort of despicable things and before I knew what was coming, he slapped me. I was shocked! I was tempted to raise my hand back in reflex but had to hold myself back. This is my husband, the man I loved with my heart. He must be very mad at me, and I vowed never to get home late again. I begged him, and told him how sorry I was, before making him the promise that I would never get home late again. Unfortunately though, when a man hits you once, he can never stop doing it...................

Con amor

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Reasons women can't seem to stay away from loosers...

Well, I don't think they're losers particularly, I just think they're those totally wrong men that no woman should have d displeasure of coming across (not to talk of falling in love with).
Anyway, I intended sharing a true story with ya'll this week but I couldn't let this article pass without sharing it on my blog so that women like myself out there who have belittled themselves one way or the other can learn and actually help themselves the way I started helping myself. Every woman deserves happiness and peace in a union, or is that not the main purpose behind "relationship" in the first place? Having a partner should be about having a companion you can make a long journey with, having someone beside you to make the journey less stressful, and exciting! So exactly why are you still with that guy that makes you cry more times than you smile in the relationship?

You know he’s not Mr. Right. He’s not even Mr. Right Now. You're a smart woman, and your dreams and goals never included dating a loser. So why can’t you ditch the guy? Afraid to be alone or think he’ll change? We talked to experts about the 6 most common reasons women stay in bad relationships. Read on to find out...

I was in college when an older man asked me out. We went to a concert (nice), then back to his place (predictable). By morning, I knew the relationship was a non-starter.

But his attention was flattering and I was between boyfriends. Before I knew it, my one-night stand turned into a year-long relationship. He even talked of marriage.

Right then, I should have cut and run. But I’d grown used to his loud, obnoxious behaviour  And at least I had a date on Saturday nights.

I didn't get my complacent butt out of there until he raised his hand to smack me during a disagreement. Though his hand never connected, that near-slap was just the push I needed.

Any sign of abuse (physical or emotional) is an obvious relationship deal-breaker. And the same goes for addictions of any stripe (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling). But even without such problems, we often find ourselves spinning our wheels in dead-end relationships. According to relationship experts, here are the 6 most common reasons we stay with men who are all wrong for us:

1. My family made me do it. Blaming your issues on Mom, Dad, your siblings or the dog can get a little tired. But persistently picking Mr. Wrong does have a lot to do with your upbringing, therapists say. 

“What happens in the family shapes how we see ourselves in the world, our core beliefs and our behaviours ” says life/relationship coach Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life (Hay House). “Then we take those behaviour patterns into adulthood.”

So a girl who grew up thinking I don’t deserve love is subconsciously attracted to men who can’t meet her emotional needs.

“It doesn't make her happy, but it’s comfortable because it’s familiar,” Mackler says.

It’s the emotional equivalent of the hamster wheel: You never get the guy, no matter how hard you work. But the thought that you might if you just hang on a little longer keeps you in the game.

“Women are willing to deal with long stretches of crap for that momentary approval or affection,” explains clinical psychologist Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D., co-author of Sex Matters for Women (Guilford Press). “When it comes – and it’s not often – the attention is almost like oxygen. It means everything.”

2. I won’t find anyone better. So he’s boorish and overly critical. Breaks dates. Doesn't call. Plays head games. Forgets your birthday. But he’s all yours. Would it be any different with anyone else?

Hello?! Someone’s self-esteem needs a transfusion.

Blame this one, too, on a dysfunctional family dynamic.

When a woman is in a relationship with a clear loser, there’s a symbolic agenda playing out. It's "usually not getting the love and affection of a parent,” Sugrue says. “So when things don’t go well, it becomes easier for her to rationalize it and take the blame for it.”

This pattern is one of the most destructive ways women sabotage themselves in work and relationships, says clinical psychotherapist Pat Pearson, author of Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships and Find the Success You Deserve (McGraw Hill). We think, Well, it’s better than nothing.

“If we don’t believe we deserve to have a good relationship, we settle for less than what we could have or truly want,” she says. “We compromise our own integrity.”

3. I don’t want to be alone.
Then there’s the fear that you’ll end up a lonely spinster, so you hang on longer than you should out of a misguided sense of self-preservation.

Chalk this one up to family issues again, especially if the message you internalized growing up was, “You need a man to take care of you.”

“Fear of being alone is a huge factor that keeps people in bad relationships,” says Mackler, the life/relationship coach.
“The underlying message is that you’re not able to take care of yourself.” So you get into relationships with Mr. Wrong.

4. He’ll change.

Tell it to the Tooth Fairy. Women have been deluding themselves with this particular fairy tale since cave gals sat around the fire pit, grousing that their men were such Neanderthals.

Don’t bet the farm on him changing in any substantial way. Improving hair and wardrobe is about the best you can do. (Though you might make some headway with the toilet-seat-down thing.)

But serious character flaws? Figure on living with ’em... or leaving him. “What you see is what you’re going to get,” Sugrue says. “If there is change, consider that to be a gift from heaven. But don’t count on it.”

5. He needs me.
If ever there was a big enough ball to keep you chained to a loser, it’s this one. We love being needed. We eat that up like a chocolate chip hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top.

“Women tend to over-give to people who don’t give as much back,” says Pearson, the clinical psychologist. “ We've all been taught that we shouldn't be selfish and to keep on giving even if we don’t get it back.”

We tell ourselves we’re indispensable. Or maybe you do have legitimate worries that if you split, he’d gamble, drink, slide into depression or kill himself.

But what you call “love,” therapists label as “co-dependency,” “enabling” or “emotional extortion.”

We’re then sucked into unhealthy relationships because serving in their lives makes us feel good about ourselves, explains Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Conn.

“It can be tough to move past the guilt and believe that he’ll make it, that you’re not his only lifeline.”

6. The sex is phenomenal.
That hormonal surge of oxytocin that courses through your brain when you have mind-blowing sex is designed to bond you to your partner. It’s emotional super-glue.

But this neurochemistry can backfire when we bond with the wrong guy. “Just because it was the best sex you ever had doesn’t mean that this is the best partner for you,” says certified sex therapist and psychologist Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D, of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, Calif.

And if you feel embarrassment or shame about becoming sexual too quickly, you might be tempted “to make a relationship out of the encounter,” Buehler says.

  Should You Stay or Go?
These steps can get you thinking – honestly – about the state of your union.

1. Search your soul. Ask yourself these questions, Sugrue says:

Do I really care about this person or has the relationship become habit? Is it easier to stay than make the effort to leave?

Do I feel like he really cares for me? Or am I doing all the heavy lifting?

Would I be tempted to leave If someone else I'm attracted to was suddenly available and I could get out of my current relationship with no negative consequences, embarrassment, shame or explanations? If you’re thinking maybe, “that should tell you something,” Sugrue says.

2. Make a list. Works with Christmas gifts and relationships. Figure out what works (and doesn't) in your relationship, Sugg says.

“That can help you determine what needs to change for the relationship to feel healthier for you.”

So make like Santa and check your list twice. And talk it over with your guy. Maybe he didn't realize that openly flirting with other women gets on your nerves. It’s unlikely, but at least you've done due diligence before you walk out.

3. Get online. If you just don’t think you can do any better, click through some online dating sites. You don’t even need to post a profile. Just punch in your zip code and take a look at who’s around. Nice guys! Near you! 

It’s the relationship equivalent of window-shopping. Not all these dudes will pony up to ride into the sunset with you. But even if you’re convinced the sea is empty, you’ll see there are plenty of fish out there.

4. Take a break. Absence can make the heart grow fonder... or show you that you’re doing just fine without him.

Either way, you get some perspective, Buehler says.

5. Hold off on hooking up. No judgement here. Casual, no-strings-attached sex definitely has its place. However, “it’s important to look at what you’re trying to get when you’re hooking up,” Sugg says.

If you want to meet your dream man and live happily ever after, hooking up is “not the way you’re going to form lasting relationships,” Sugg says.

6. Do a reality check. If you worry that ditching an unsatisfying relationship will leave you alone forever or possibly even destitute, take a deep breath and step back from the ledge.

Therapists call this “awfulizing” or “catastrophizing.” Mackler says you’re playing the Gloom and Doom Movie by imagining the absolute worst-case scenario, and it’s spinning in your mind as reality. So take stock.

“Look at the core beliefs you have about yourself that’s driving this fear,” she says.

Do you really believe you’ll die without someone to take care of you? What about those friends and family who love you? And don’t you have your own money to pay those bills?

Looks like an apartment with only cats for company isn't your destiny after all. And you’re doing pretty well fending for yourself. Soon you’ll get your brain around the idea that you can jump ship if you want to – and land on your feet. Then you can start thinking about what your new movie will look like, Mackler says. Perhaps the screen will show that you can be happy without a relationship. Or that the next guy you date will appreciate and respect you.

 Roll tape…

LadyAries note:
My advice? I think every lady deserves more than to stay in a relationship just because they are convenient or comfortable. This article really helped in making a life decision, and I hope it helps every woman out there too.

Con amor

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

My Thoughts On Paper... .

The feeling that drove me to start this blog recently reappeared, and it just makes me want to express my innermost feelings in whatever way possible (regardless of whom it may or may not hurt). I’m sorry it took me so long to write another post on this blog; I had to take some time off to work on myself and be in contact with my inner goddess. I had to make some important decisions of my life, and differentiate what I want from what is good for me.

While growing up, I had already come to terms with the fact that I never do/go for what is good for me. I never used to imagine if something was good for me as long as I wanted it. As I grow older now though, I find myself inspecting everything and deciding which is good for my health and which is harmful. My friendships have suddenly been scrutinized as well, and I find myself withdrawing from friends I feel will have a negative impact in my life probably in the nearest future. At 23, I find myself almost friendless. I have a best friend that I don’t get to see often and about 3 other friends (that I also don’t see often). I mostly find myself holding my blackberry on weekends to chat with someone (a friend), but end up dropping the phone. I usually leave my bb forgotten on weekends, as I do not expect anyone to ping me. At first, I simply assumed I was bored and that all I needed was to find an admirer I could tease and flirt with on bb to make my weekends fun, but isn’t that just another form of unseriousness?

My big brother accused me a few weeks ago that I was very confused and unserious, and although I denied it out rightly, I’ve had time to think things through. What I’ve come to terms with now is that he is right. Never in a million years did I assume I would actually admit it but, I am truly confused and unserious. I find myself starting things without ending them; loosing focus on my aimed goal. I find myself giving excuses for failure, and not aiming high enough. I find myself not doing enough to make me an asset to my community. I find myself expecting so much from people around me as well as friends, but I realise I do not give myself such high expectations. I always find words to justify my every action, when I’m supposed to embrace the criticisms and surge ahead to do it better. I find that I am not as ambitious as I really should be, and I give up easily when things get rough. I have realised that I have been in my comfort zone all my life because it feels safe and I’m scared to venture outside it in fear of what I may find!

What I also found out, is that I am not a very good judge of character and so it is not my place to determine which friend maybe harmful to me and which is good. The good friends I picked out are also my safe zone, and I feel comfortable around them, but how can I say “I lived” when I don’t actually leave my haven to live? When I don’t have stories to tell about my life and my friends...

How could I possibly feel alive?!

Con amor

Monday, 17 September 2012

The Journey... #2.

Luckily for me, the girls called a reunion from school and i was more than happy to go. I shared my ordeal with them because i needed someone to advice me on what to do, but what they all said shocked me. One of them had been chased out of her home because she had been producing female children and no male child. Another told me a story about one of her friends that got married long before we did and what she was going through in the cruel hands of her in-laws after her husband passed away. I don’t get it, how can one labour for years with one’s partner and after it all his family will come and disregard the will and make the wife’s life hell? They seem to forget that they also have female children or sisters who also get married at one point or the other! How can a man disregard his marriage vows to that woman, and act as if its the coolest thing to do? Why is there so much injustice in life where women are concerned? Being a woman in this part of the world means; not having a voice, being irrelevant, being forced into submission, being a baby-making machine,  being a subject to be ruled upon and dictated to, being a work of art to be admired by one and all. No matter how many tribes we have in this country, they all have the same attitude to women- VOICELESS!

I went back home thinking i was one of the luckiest in all the story they’ve shared thusfar, but little did i know the story was about to change. I went into the house, and was stopped short by the sounds of people crying... too many people. I entered the living room slowly and saw Bisi (my husband’s new wife) sobbing uncontrollably, and most of my husband’s family surrounding her. My mother in-law came out from the room having heard the sound of my car, and created a scene. She shouted at me and accused me of killing her son. She even went ahead to call me a witch! None of what she said got to me, i was still trying to process the fact that my husband had gone so soon. What happened? Why did nobody call me? When did it happen? All these questions ran through my head over and over again. Next thing i knew, my mother inlaw was pushing me out of MY house, calling me all sorts of name. She called some of the other members of their household to drag me out of the house, and then it dawned on me that she wouldn’t even let me mourn my husband in the home we shared! They collected my car keys and threw me out of the gate like i was an unwanted pest! Grief consumed me, and i was scared! Stories my friends had just shared with me hours before kept coming to my head, and I feared for myself and my daughter. I wasted no time calling a taxi and went straight to the bank. I closed the account i opened for my daughter, and deposited all the money in my domiciliary account and then i filled a form to transfer all the money together into my account abroad. I was promised the transfer would be done first thing in the morning. I left the bank feeling somewhat better and headed home to my parents to tell them what happened.

My in-laws did not let me say the final goodbye to my husband, nor did they let me attend his burial. I couldn’t stop crying! He may have gone astray in recent years but i loved him.  He was the father of my child! They asked me for the documents of our house, his company, and bank accounts. I gave them all they needed but wasn’t satisfied when i gave them just one chequebook. I then explained to them that we held just one account together and i had no idea if he had other accounts that i didn’t know of. They went to his office and eventually found other cheque books, in which my husband was worth about 20 million naira in all together. They took everything as well as Bisi who bore them male children. They took all 3 cars in our compound and my mother in-law shared it as it pleased her. They never even for once asked after my daughter, they just acted as if she does not exist. As if she wasn’t carrying their blood!

I later found out how my husband died. He was scared that i accepted his wife without any fuss and thought i might have a hidden agenda so he decided to be one step ahead of me. He had gone to hire thugs/assassins that day but those ones had already shot him in the stomach before they realised he wasn’t a cop.  I chose to pretend like i wasn’t interested in why he would go hire thugs, because deep inside me, i already have my answer! I loved my husband through it all, to the very end and will not soil his memory...

This is my story and how i’ve threaded my path. My in-laws claim i led him to his death but all i ever did, was love him as a real woman would! The journey of a woman begins in the womb. That is where my life story was written, and i couldn’t have made any other choice. I am a woman, African and Proud! I’m beautiful, successful, intelligent, and patient. I never made my husband feel lesser than a man, but in the end he was scared of my attributes!

Con amor

The Journey... #1

It’s difficult being an African (especially if u stay in the white man’s land); It’s not easy pursuing success, and it’s hard enough being a woman... If you can’t help with my burden, then please don’t add to it!

...I remember it just like yesterday, and it was years ago before we got married. My fiancé and i were talking about our future and i told him what was next in action for me. I told him that my father had decided i was the one to uphold the legacy of his companies. I was going to manage his various companies as soon as i completed school. My beloved looked at me in horror and said, “Are you sure that is a good idea? I will like to start from the scratch, and will not like people to think u’re the one feeding me...”. That statement should have jolted me awake, but like the fool in love, i stayed asleep.

Any man scared of a woman’s success is not fit to be called a MAN, nor is he for her... The woman of today, has grown in intellect and reasoning. She is educated and knows her rights. The woman today, understands her place in the world and strives to make her values known. Today’s woman is strong, hardworking and is not a liability to any man.

It’s been 8years after that statement was made, married to the same man for 5years and i’m starting to think i made a mistake. As expected, i’m swimming in money and i’ve managed my father’s companies very well. I’ve also started a couple of businesses of my own and they’re all doing well. My husband also has a job, but he doesn’t earn what i earn. I have been very careful not to make him know my true worth, especially now that he’s showing his true colours. We live in a very comfortable and well furnished duplex, and we have 3 cars in the garage (1 being mine). My husband insisted we start a joint account to “strengthen the bond between us”, and being the good wife i agreed. At first, i would divide my profit from the companies in half and put it in this joint account, as well as all the profit from my own businesses. I had to trust my husband, if i wanted the marriage be forever and so turned deaf ears to all voice of reason. I even went ahead and closed all my personal accounts. One day, 3years after we tied the knot, my business was failing and i needed to save it with a huge sum. I asked my husband to co-sign a check for our joint account and he blatantly refused. Telling me i spent too much money on things that didn’t matter, and that i wasn’t touching the account. At first, i thought he was joking but after 2 days of futile effort, i started to suspect something. I went to the bank and requested a statement of the account, and to my amazement i saw that the account was almost empty. He had been making online transfers from our account, into another account. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, i realised i had been the only one making deposits into the account.

How could this have happened to me?
I couldn’t stop thinking back and trying to figure where and how i had gone wrong. All i did was love him unconditionally, all i did was trust him, all i did was have blind faith in him! I felt like dying... My business was failing and i didn’t know what else to do. I developed a nagging headache during that period, and had to be admitted at the hospital. I had a crisis, my bp was high, and my heart rate was not stable. The doctors kept warning me to take it easy, but who could i tell? I would be labelled a fool and i definitely didn’t want to hear that line- I told you so! After several weeks of being hydrated, and hospitalised, i started focusing again! Doctor told me i had had a miscarriage, and my husband was the angel. He was so caring, and sweet, and it actually looked like he felt my pain. At that point however, the miscarriage was not painful, it was the fact that i had ignored all the signs and went ahead to make the mistake that hurt! While growing up, i remember sitting with my friends and saying i would never let a man use me, nor would i cater for a man!. His deceit was the most painful of all; after all i did to make it work, so i decided to confront him over the issue. Each time i tried to bring it up or ask him though, was never the right time. He always gave the excuse of being busy, and never had the time to talk.

Two years have passed and i’ve gotten over it. I borrowed some money from my sister, with the promise to pay her back with a 20% interest, and i saved my business. I opened a domiciliary account, and created another account for my daughter. I bought a house, invested a lot for my daughter’s future, and i decided not to make him suspect a thing. I kept paying peanuts into our account every other month and i told him business was bad.
We celebrated our anniversary a few days ago and he was the man i fell in love with again, sweet and charming! Two days after, his family marched to our house, led by his mother.  They went on and on about how God had a reason for everything, and how their son had behaved badly but the mistake had already been done. Danger bells rang in my ear, but i never made a sound. They told me my husband had taken a second wife and she had just been delivered of her second son. My mother in law told me it wasn’t easy for HIM to shuffle between houses, and so i should learn to live with the woman in peace. She then went ahead to say that if i couldn’t, then i should leave her son’s house. The house i paid the bills? I looked at my husband, and he was just sitting there, silent like he had no words to say. Two sons my head kept ringing, and i plastered a bright smile on my face while imagining the worst deaths possible for the stranger i’ve called husband for the past 5years. I thanked his family for coming and assured my mother in law that i was good with the arrangement. I then went into the kitchen to make lunch for them, and yes! I was tempted to end their miseries that day but i wasn’t that sort of girl.

Con amor

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Fify shades of Excitement......

Very recently, my sister sent me the Fifty shades trilogy; Fifty shades of Grey, Fifty shades Darker, and Fifty shades Freed. I started reading this book not sure what it was about, but I had a long holiday during the eid celebration and had to keep myself occupied. Well, the 1st chapter of the first book proved beyond doubt that it was a book worth reading. Good news is that the novel is exciting (such that I've not been able to set it aside), the not-so-good news is that I relate with the female character in the book. As in, really relate with her (Oh yes, the author is that good!). I agree with her that the guy is a nut case and he sure needs the love, but how come her excitement excites me? I even went ahead to download all the songs the author wrote about (@least, those I've come across so far as I just concluded book 2), just to replay the scenes illustrated by the author!

I don't know which is worse: me feeling her pain, or me feeling her excitement. I've read hundreds of novels, and they're mostly romance... I've even gone ahead and read some naughty not-so-safe romance novels bt none have intrigued me as much as this has. @least, none have put crazy ideas in my head! ROTFL....
This is one of those fun random posts you have a good laugh @ while drafting it. I so can't stop my laughter both @ this write up and my audacity! But really, how can an author make something so dangerously painful sound so sexually exciting? They really ought to stop writing this sort of novels. There are some naïve girls (*blushes*) out there that could get wrong ideas!

Kudos to you, Ε L James. Your imagination is either too hot for your own good or you've got one hell of a talent!. Love this book by the way!

The fifty shades trilogy

Con amor.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

What Love Is....

It took me awhile to be able to draft this post as I had no idea what I wanted to write about and I definitely dint know how to express what was bugging me!

Lately, I've been reading a lot on love and relationships (mostly bad and true), and I know I’m not qualified to tell anyone about love, but I suddenly felt like being an advocate for Love. It ain’t always that bad...
We all know love isn’t full of roses; a love that seems sweet at the beginning definitely has sharp thorns on the way. The bits n pieces of broken hearts we come across on the way don’t even make it seem like a big deal to fall in love again these days. If you have ever fallen in love, you’ll realise that it is almost the yummiest thing on earth though, also the saddest; very confusing at times, but still with sweet memories. I have once tasted those sweet-yummy-hot-dangerous-passionate love before and of course we both got burned on the way out, but one thing I learnt is that "When it is true love, then nothing can be compared". The heartbreaks don’t matter, they heal with time. The tears don’t count, they dry up within seconds. But the laughers, the happiness and joy, those can never be replaced! They are the beauty of loving.

The crazy aspect of loving, however, is the torture of the uncertainty. You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you’re doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the relationship and you wonder at night if you’re the only one or if you’ll still be in a relationship the following morning. When you do ask the questions, you are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do. I have to confess that I’ve been guilty of this part of loving; though mine was in a different form. I kept questioning myself if I was good enough, what I was doing wrongly, if it was all worth it. My problem was that an idea had been firmly rooted in my mind that kept making me unsure of myself, and once an idea has been planted in my head, it never comes out. No matter how hard I try to forget some words or jokes, I just can’t seem to. And my subconscious takes them so serious that I later refer to those statements whenever I feel unworthy, making me only more certain that I definitely wasn’t good enough. I say this is my worst part in loving and it’s definitely the toughest!

Now, the worst part of love to most people and the easiest part for me is the heartbreak. I think it’s the easiest aspect because the torture is finally over, the tears are over and done with, the emotional tortures? Gone! When you’ve gotten to this stage, I don’t see any use weeping over spilt milk. You’re supposed to just get up, pick up the pieces and do something worthwhile with your life. You play yourself some good music and inspire your mind with lovely poems. Tell yourself over n over in a mirror that you deserve so much better than the guy, eat some chocolates, go shopping n get you some sexy outfits, tell yourself again that you don’t need a man, and then make yourself desirable.. ‘Scuse me? Did I hear you say heartbreak???

Finally, the easiest part of loving to some but most difficult part for me is moving on...                                        I don’t know how to do it. I have loved in a particular place, and invested all my emotions, and moving on seems near impossible for me. I can even try going on a million dates, and maybe have an affair or 2, but love is once in a lifetime for me... Best I can do is pretend to move on, and make myself worthy of any lucky dude that comes ma way...
But all in all, Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world and it doesn’t hesitate to keep a smile on my face everyday...

Con amor.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

story of my life...(the untold truth).

I woke up this morning feeling tired and weak, not wanting to get outta bed. Then I slept some more, and didn't get up till 11am. When I eventually picked up my phone to read my messages, I noticed the date. 22nd of July.

Two years ago today, I had a hip surgery. It was the day I had thought would be the last for me. It was also the day God, in his awesome glory saved me and made me believe! Its a day I always sit back and reminisce, and its also a day I wish I could forget forever. Its been two years, but its so vivid in my head. Yes, 2010 is the worst year I've ever had, but it was also my transgressing year. The year I left a part of me behind before forging ahead. The year I stopped having the fear of dying. The year my tears got dried and I comforted myself. The year I grew strong, much stronger than I ever knew I could be. That year, I learnt a lot. I learnt so much about life and existence, I learnt that I had a lot to be grateful for and I was indeed blessed. So what if I had lost a lot that year? The people that really wanted to be in my life stuck around anyway!. I lost friends, love, my sanity, my hope, and both the head of my femur.

It was on a bright thursday (@least in the hospital) and the nurses came to me; "Eyitayo, it's time" they said before handing me a theatre gown. I looked at it, and asked if we couldn't wait just a lil longer? That I wanted to see my parents before going in for the surgery. I said a short prayer, having given up hope deep inside. I prayed for my family, that HE grant them the strength to accept the loss if it went bad. I was then wheeled to the theatre...

Less than 3months before (may 2nd), I had had the right hip done by a team of medical specialists from the UK. It was my first time in the theatre, and it went perfectly. I stayed awake through the procedure, laughed and made jokes with the surgeons, chatted with the anaesthetist, and in less than 2hours I was back in my room, drowsy and hungry at the same time! In 2days, I was outta bed and on my feet exercising my leg and I was discharged on the 6th day! Days went by, and I was recovering fine... I even anticipated the second surgery, I wanted it done quickly so I could recuperate together. Unluckily for me, the doctors told me they had to give it a space of 3months. Boy! Did the 3months seem like 30years! Anyway, I was real hopeful about my condition especially since the right hip had gone so well, until the second week in june. It had seemed like an endless wait to hear from the surgeons and I had started imagining the worst. I started loosing faith, and wondering if the second surgery would go as perfect as the first or if that would be the end. In short, I had it in my head that the probability of the second surgery going perfect was 50-50, which wasn't a good probability for me. I could not get that lucky twice, or could I?

It was already past 2hours, awake, and my left leg was still being pulled. The brief shot of pain I felt jerked me awake from my thoughts, and I called the attention of the anaesthetist (different from the last) to the pain. She gave me another shot of injection through the thin tube inserted in my spine, and I went numb below once again. I looked at the time and I had to ask the surgeons (also different from the last); "is anything wrong?" And they told me everything was good, just a lil issh that was being taken care of. 2hours turned into 3 and at this point, I had gotten tired! As in, real tired. I was very weak, and all I wanted to do was rest. I just wanted to sleep and really rest for the first time in 9months! It felt so good to be pain free, if only for a few hours and I only wanted to sleep peacefully. It was the thought of my sister that kept me awake. I imagined how she would never forgive me if I went to rest. I dozed off a couple of times, but I kept waking myself up. I thought of my parents, how heart broken they would be. So, I gave myself the courage again to be strong (for them). Over 4hours went by, and the surgery was finally over. I was wheeled outta the theatre again and taken to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit).

Two years have gone by, and I'm doing very well (Alhamdulillah). I have used my smile to face the world again, and I've developed a new self confidence. I'm happily getting back some of what I lost, and building a bright future for myself. I'm happy I went through everything I did, when I did because as of today, I know deep down that I'm a much better, stronger, and more confident person than I ever was before! I am proud of being me, and I'm not ashamed to share my experience. I was saved, given a second chance, and a purpose to live. I thank the good Lord, for keeping me alive till this day and may he continue to grant me good health as well as long life and prosperity!.
God bless you...

Con amor.

Friday, 13 July 2012

The Sickness

Yes I had an awesome vacation, thanks for asking. Probably the best vacation I've ever had. What made this one different from the others, I was alone with my sister and we had FUN! From the lame laughs in the room, to the trip to Alton towers... Imagine having my 1st bowling lesson and getting a medal for sucking @ it (ROTFL). If I'm to be honest, I didn't wanna come home. @least not for a lil while longer. I would have opted to stay longer, if for nothing else, for the love of dose chocolate croissants I take for breakfast and the custard doughnuts I eat as snack daily. Thinking about them now just makes my tummy growl. Anyway vacation is over, I'm back to work, and reality!... Oow Oow

So, upon my arrival, I went on notepad to jot down a new post. I wanted to write about all the fun I had in so much detail, wanted to share all the things I watched n ate n talked about and share the places I went, the people I went with but to my amazement, I couldn't write a sentence. Oh, c'mon! There's got to be something up there waiting to be spilled as usual! Of course, there was. Actually there are lots of things I just want to pour out, but I can't seem to put any of them in writing! It feels like I just went blank, like I lost my words...

Well, I found out that there's actually something called "a writer's sickness" or something close to that, and I've got all the symptoms. I've also read about the cure (or what does help in some situations), but I don't think I've got the sickness. Okay well, you've gotta agree with me that this is a fine piece. I love the start, the way it's been structured together to form a whole post, doesn't seem like any writer's sickness to me *wide grin*. After giving it much thought, especially cos I desperately needed to write something down, I came to the conclusion that a decision I made while away brought about my blankness. I finally decided to go ahead with my initial plan and write my biography (another bold step I've been scared of taking), but I think even my mind fears that I may not be able to do it. And so far, it's been right...

Con amor

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Truly yours...

1st lemme start with this; I love you. YES you!, reading this post. You probably have me figured out than my boyfriend do, or is it lover? Partner? (Whatever the heck they call it these days).

I was typing a post when this inspiration came to me; My boyfriend, lover, partner, soul mate. I realised I dint actually know the right term to describe him with. Which got me thinking; "a lot of us don't know the right term to give the various people in our lives, we prefer to just use any adjective to qualify them and it's just pathetic". Let's face it, the fact that I'm in love with a guy doesn't mean he's my soul mate nor does it mean he's my lover. Or does it? Like I said earlier, "a lot of "US" don't know how best to describe the people in our lives". So, here's my analysis based on my judgement, and that of some people I asked.:

 »Girlfriend/boyfriend- your friend that's a girl/boy. At least this is the correct definition, until people decided it should be used for people you're in relationships with.
 »Lover- a person you're sexually active with. It could be someone you're in love with, and otherwise.
 »Soul mate-someone you believe to have been sent to you from above. Most likely, as a companion.
 »Partner- someone you're with comfortably, either for love or companionship. It could be marriage, a serious relationship, or a fling.
 »Baby- this is just a term used to generally express fondness for someone. That someone could be the person you're in a relationship with, or just a close friend.
 »Darling- someone dear to your heart. It could be an ordinary friend.
 »Sweetheart- also very dear to your heart.
 »Beau- I personally think this should be used to refer someone you're in love with. You've gotta be in love with a guy, before you stand proudly and say, "that's my beau!".

This is as far as the list goes for me... Feel free to add to it, make your own suggestions, or create your own list/definitions. Do share your list here!

Con amor

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Silent Plea...

Two nights ago, I met with a friend @ this bar where they apparently serve lovely ice cream and delicious chocolate cakes. So, me and my sis hooked up with her, and we got talking. We talked about a lot of things, but the one I still can't get off my mind is the topic of how men mistreat their women. I have previously posted something related on this blog titled "equality", but I realise that this issue needs to be addressed often and with full emphasis.

It pains any lady to hear what other ladies go through in the confines of their space while keeping it buried in. This issue is getting really disturbing, especially when you hear about what young educated guys do to their ladies! We often read stories in the papers about men murdering their wives, or @least hospitalising her after a series of punches and blows. In fact, it feels like this part of the world is adjusting to this path. It almost feels natural to hear about a man beating his wife now. Or, how else will you explain a man beating up his wife regularly for almost 20 years, and no one (not even his family) can do anything to stop it?. How can a boyfriend who hasn't even put a ring on it, beat up his girlfriend just for some silly suspicion and people simply laugh about it? In civilised world, a man is NEVER supposed to hit a woman not to talk of beating her black and blue. Who cares in this country what women are going through? Who cares if they are being cheated and maltreated? Who cares to stop this sickening violence against women, when the people that are meant to lead by example also do it? How can you preach something you don't act?

As a woman, I will never let a man mistreat ME in such way!
As a woman, I will never remain in a marriage where I'm being used to practice boxing... Social responsibility be damned! I have a responsibility to myself to stay alive, and to God, to treasure his temple (My Body)!.
As a woman, I say stand up for your right (regardless of your social status). Without us, they're nothing anyway! Every lady deserves so much more than an animal for a partner; you deserve to be loved, cared for, treated with respect, and worshipped because God knows we have a whole lot more to worry about than when next the blows will arrive.

No matter how weak I am, I'm not a chicken and will never stand to be treated like one...

Con amor

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Fear Of The Unknown.

When some things happen to me, especially the good things. I feel they seem too good to be true. There has to be some hidden agenda- Good things don't just happen to me, there must be a mistake or maybe I'm being pranked or maybe it's my imagination. With these in mind, I try very hard to avoid disappointments. Sadly, I end up being the hindrance in my own life; my own stumbling block. I realise that this has been going on in my subconscious for awhile now without me acknowledging it. Looking back at my life, I realise I've refused myself the best tins in life, and I sure did my best to refuse myself happiness. YES I had friends, and we laughed together but I made sure nobody got under the skin. Those who tried or succeeded, were kicked out hard and fast.
It's just funny what the human mind can do. Imagine you making decisions in your head without admitting the true depth and origin of your decisions.

Looking at my life from another perspective has helped me so much, in more ways than I bargained for. Feels like I'm standing by the sidelines and watching a show, only this time I'm watching it backwards. I have met so many wonderful people (friends, and acquitances) in my life, and I have lost even more. I have come to accept the fact that I do virtually anything to drive people away from me. I so much wanted to be left alone, yet I hated being lonely. I still don't know why I was so adamant to take life's journey on my own (or maybe I still don't want to admit the real reason), I'm just glad I'm doing much better these days. I'm beginning to see just how much better I am with people that care surrounding me.

Con amor

Thursday, 31 May 2012

Change Of Plans

Have you ever had it all planned out, the way and manner you want your life to go and out of  the blue, a wind blows you in another direction?
Well it happened to me sometime ago and if you've ever experienced such, I'm sure you'll comprehend this post.

I had it all planned and figured out but now, I'm not so sure any more. At first, I decided to stick to my plan and oppose the direction the wind was steering me, but it was useless. I remained stagnant in one spot and could do nothing to move on. So, I decided to maybe let the wind direct me. I decided to feel free and wait, maybe let fate lead the way.
Now I know a lot of people dont believe in fate (and if i'm to be honest, i never really believed in it until now), but we sometimes need to see what life has planned for us. It could be way better than that which is firmly rooted in our hearts.

I don't want to go into the details/history of the decision I've had to change in my life or the direction fate is drawing me, but I'll try to explain myself for better understanding.
For about 2years now, I have made an unwavering decision in my head that I refused to let go of. I made my plans around the decision, searched for substitutes (a.k.a, the next best things), and went outta my way to hide from myself. I had made my decision, and nothing could change it! I thought to myself, 'I don't have to go in that direction, I could take another route (longer) to a less attractive location and still love it there'. I set my plans in motion, while ignoring the rocky obstacles on the way. No way I was changing direction, I was determined! So, I conquered obstacles and fresh ones arose. I tried, wanting to achieve what I had set out to do but it's tiring as well as discouraging when you have too many things blocking your way. I gave it a rest, decided to slow down and really look outside the box. Then I saw it, the route I had been so adamant to stay clear of. And to my surprise, it looked so smooth with flowers and sunshine. Yes it was my first choice and most obvious route, but I stayed clear because of a pine I came across. I then set on a longer route filled with obstacles, and so much dirt that it seemed like a sin to change my mind along the way.

When life has something planned for you, you cannot escape it. It might take longer to realise and unfold, but be sure that it will. If you don't go with life's plan, it will go with yours but only until it draws you nearer to what it had planned for you. So, now that I see beyond my nose and just how beautiful that route is, I'm picking up the pieces and moving with the wind. It so peaceful here, and less stressful. I've had a smile on my face since I ventured on this path; I'm content, now that I don't have to oppose the wind again...

Con amor

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Otra parte de mí

While growing up into the lady I am today, I've had many passion and most I never pursued. That is, until I started this blog to pursue my love for writing. Awhile ago, I made the decision to learn the sexiest language on earth. Yes! You heard right... I love Spanish and every cute man that can speak it. I've always found the language amazing, and always wished I could @least understand it. But as usual, the fire burned out. This has been the routine for about 5years now! Decide to start something for real, and it just goes off after sometime. I've still got other passions buried within that I'm basically reserved about, but I'm sure with time they'll begin to unfold.

Moving on to the main topic of the day (Another side of me), I think i have never been real good at completely expressing myself verbally (until recently). In fact I'm certain I don't get my message across well enough when spoken, but I make up for that in my write ups. What I lack the courage to say, I write (and that's a lot!). This is the reason I always compose poems or letters in my relationships to better express my emotions; be it anger, frustration, or love. I have learnt to be somewhat outspoken, but most of the talk usually lack a particular content. What I haven't been able to really talk about though, is my past. I've tried writing about it, to no avail.

Recently, I started getting some closure on my past and it's been good for me. I realised some things I was too scared to admit, and accepted other things I could do nothing about. I made confessions, and buried old hurts. I unleashed that "other side of me" I had been searching for. Little did I know it was right here all along, within me, waiting to be let out. A friend of mine told me all I needed to do was feel good about myself and actually believe, (not just say) that I deserve nothing short of the best in life! And I guess she was right. No, she IS right! Nothing is too good to be true for me.
I forgave myself for all I blamed ME of, I looked in the mirror and actually smiled, I felt that ℓ♥vΣ once again.
The ℓ♥vΣ I once felt for myself. I heard the echoes of distant laughter, my laughter. Felt old joys that long died, remembered past friendships, memories flashed through heavy lids.
On wiping away my tears and looking in the mirror, I saw me in a new light. I saw a peaceful me,
The ME I thought I would never see again.

Con amor..

Saturday, 21 April 2012


"....I'm sorry, it's over"
"...I met someone else"
"...I love you, but this can't work"
"'re simply not good enough"

It's surprising just how little it takes to get a broken heart(Or rather, brought back to the real world)!. It's a misery why we even bother falling in the fantasy of "love" at all, when all we gain from it is sorrow and tears in the end.

 #The beauty of love, is getting your heart broken; but still finding a lil of the pieces to continue loving.....#
I read that somewhere and I must say, I find it very true. The beauty of love, how rare! Who doesn't know love is painful?... Only problem I have with that logic is; how easy is it to continue loving when someone just shattered your heart into a million pieces? Which of the tiny fragments will you pick together? How can you mend something so fragile? Loving takes a whole heart, not a part of it and It takes a lot of determination, will, as well as courage for any woman to entrust an important piece of her (I.ε her heart), to a man... A worthy man.
They say; "A man that can not show his woman (and the world) the degree of his love, is not worthy of her love". Is this true? Some people may not just be comfortable with expressing(or may not know how to express) emotion. I've read so much about love, that it gets both enlightening and confusing at the same time. It's about time I stopped reading, and actually define what the word "LOVE" is to me. Actually, I think everyone should know what love means to them before expressing it. Or, how can you feel something you don't understand?

Loving to me, is more than saying "I love you". Loving is power, its weakness, its sacrifice. Loving is that very confused emotion that just keeps drawing you to that 1 person! Love is when a man decides to flaunt his woman to the world and is proud of her achievements (no matter how little), while helping her to grow".

I personally don't bother trying to fall in love again with all the complexity n all, but life just has a way of giving us a sucker punch in the form of "love" especially when we least expect it. And after, starts a whole new process of heart break.
Life has played me different series, but when it comes to this episode of love, I'm yet to know the title of my story nor do I know the cast. I only hope to be favoured with not only an understanding man, but also a man that's proud to walk side by side with me and tell the world; "She's mine, My Queen!!"

Con amor

Saturday, 31 March 2012

A Berry Birthday to ME!..

I awoke this morning by 4am (if you consider waking up every 30mins to check the time sleeping) to get ready and go to the airport to await my sister's arrival.

 It's a very special occasion for me because it's also my birthday! YippieE!!! So, today's my birthday, I'm 23 and my sister decided to make the day special by gracing the occasion with her arrival. Actually, she's always made my birthday special and put smiles on my face. This year is no different, and that's one reason I love her so much!

I remember my 22nd birthday, last year when I was feeling quite detached. My sis left her PPA early, and brought a birthday to my office. She bought me a yummy muffin and tried placing 22 candles on it! (Lool ... You can imagine), then she placed M&M's on the cake plus a drink to go with d occasion. She gave me a cute lil blue journal as a gift. I was tear joyed. Even remembering it now brings happy tears to my eyes. I call her my world, because she's the only constant in my life and she always makes me happy!.

So, today she made it extra special!. She bought me tons of goodies! And all the birthday gifts I got? Awesome! Some fom her and others, my uncles in UK sent. Oh and I love the cards so so much. Our imam also came over for a special prayer. Everyone has either called or sent sms and I see myself on the dp of 80% of my contact list, I feel so loved right now!

I woke up with a smile, and I'm still smiling. Alhamdulillah I'm alive, healthy and happy!.. Insha Allah, I hope to be alive to see many more years in good health, happiness, and fulfilment.

Thank you all for giving me a beautiful birthday filled with berries!!!

Con amor

Friday, 16 March 2012

All in None

He stared at me, with those eyes... Eyes that could melt any heart.
Eyes that melted my heart on that faithful day we met. It was 4years ago, when I first had the privilege to look into his eyes. I felt those butterflies awaken in my tummy immediately. It was my 1st time of experiencing all those emotions @ 1st sight. You know, the complete package; admiration, crush, lust, affection, name it. If you've ever had that kind of experience, you'll agree with me that it's the best feeling ever. But on the other hand, you'll also agree with me that those perfect feelings never have beautiful endings.

Anyway, unlike the fairy tale-like love stories that don't have happy endings, mine never even started. Of course there were obstacles. There's always some sort of obstacle in this kinda scenario. So, that's the very good explanation behind the series of obstacles in my never-to-happen-love-story. Apart from the obstacles, everything just happened wrong. First thing that went wrong?, I didn't meet him sooner. Second thing?, I have no idea. Third thing?, I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that he was perfect, but it couldn't happen. For months, I dreamt about his eyes, the way they teased, searched and the way he looked at me like he knew something interesting that I didn't. I fantasised about his lips, his touch (Were they perfect?, Of course they were... It was in my head). I replayed the different other ways we could (SHOULD) have met, but that didn't make him mine. I regardless went ahead to fantasize about how he was crazy about me too, and how he found a way for us to be together. I dreamt about a big wedding with him, and how happy we would be. Our kids were so adorable... *sigh*

 Four years later, we met again and I was given the "good" news that he was getting married. I felt crushed, heartbroken and confused. What about us? Our love! My plans for OUR wedding? Was it never to be? What was to happen to me, and all the love I had invested in him? These words occupied my head over and over. Was he not supposed to feel my love for him? I was broken.
Then he showed me pictures of his bride-to-be, and I lost my confidence. That's the reason he never noticed my love!. She was fair, pretty, and almost looked like an angel. I tried to dislike her, to blame her for my crushed fantasies but I couldn't. No one could be blamed but I. I kept quiet for so long and buried my love inside without going in pursuit of that which I wanted. I waited, hoping he would love me too while another woman got his affection. And now, he was gone... Forever.. No second chances!

 I know there are lots of women out there who like me, sit idly loving a man in silence, expecting him to feel the same, and to take matters into his own hands. I say this; why can't you get your ass up and go after what YOU desire. If you're not fighting for him, another girl is. To hell with the obstacles, obstacles are just those things you see when you take eyes off your goal. Focus on that man, make your move, don't back down, and what you get is a ring on that finger...

 As for me, I won't stop pining for him and although he belongs to another woman now, he'll always have a special place in my heart. I just hope I've learned, cause I can be sometimes stupid.

Con amor

Monday, 5 March 2012

Why Women Cry..

Sometime ago, i read a post online and I loved it. It was my first time reading any post from that site, but it made me yearn for more. So, I decided to share it with ya'll. Who knows, it might help someone like it did the lil boy in this context. Feel free to share this article either by copying, emailing, or jst sharing the link to this blog.

A little boy asked his mother,  “Why are you crying?”

“Because I need to”  she said.

“I don’t understand,” he  said.

His Mom just hugged him and said,  “And you never will.”

Later the little boy asked his father,  “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason,”  his dad answered carelessly.

The little boy, still wondering why women cry, finally asked the old wise shaikh (scholar).  “He surely knows the answer”, he thought. “Ya Shaikh! Why do women cry so  easily?”

The Shaikh answered:

“When Allah made the woman she had to be made so special. He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. He gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that comes from her children. He gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. He gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child hurts her very badly. He gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults, and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. He gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And lastly, He gave her a tear.

This is hers and only hers exclusively to use  whenever she needs it. She needs no reason, no explanation, its hers.”

“You see my son, the beauty of a  woman is not in the clothes she wears, the beauty of her face, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart – the place where love resides.”

The little boy got the answer and never asked the question again.

Courtesy; Editor. January 11th, 2012

So, I've decided to cry @ every oppurtunity afterall, it's mine to use as I please.

LadyAries, always proud to be a woman!

Con amor

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Beyond the surface

I define the state of unhappiness!

I'm deeply discontent with the path my life is taking, and worse still, I'm doing nothing about it. I could lie to myself over and over again that I have no choice in the matter, or that all I have to do is wait but that won't solve anything. I know my happiness is in my own hands, and I have some idea on what to do to @least approach the happy state. I just don't know how and when to start putting the ideas into action!
So maybe I'm used to being unhappy, or I'm just used to pretending I'm happy. Either ways, finding happiness is a foreign feeling to me. I've had the misconception that my happiness laid in a man's hands, or that I needed a man to love me to make me happy!. How wrong I was! I guess that was just another part of me lying to myself.

How many of us seek happiness in the wrong places, and just stay there lying to ourselves simply because we don't wanna go back and start again? I know I've been doing dat for almost 3years now! Self denial, self pity, self loathe, loneliness, frustration and uncertainty are the emotions I have locked deep within and I've refused to let go. It's all my fault, nobody else's. I've allowed myself to wallow in so much sorrow, that I couldn't recognise the difference anymore. I started mistaking sadness for loneliness. YES I admit it now! I was lonely, I am lonely and sad. I could not differentiate between them.

It's time for a wake up call, and I'm finally determined to be happy with or without anyone by my side (actually, I prefer without!). I intend to love myself once again, and really be content. After my quest for happiness is fulfilled, I can tackle the issue of loneliness!

If I don't do this for those who care about me, I at least need to do it for myself!..

Con amor
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So, valentine's over and a lotta heart breaks trailing behind it...

I hope ya'll had a fun february 14th, cause mine was BORING!.. It probably had something to do with my single status more than my disinterest in the day, but it was still very much dry. I've always seen the whole celebration as "way over board", and why won't I?

Going to work in the morning from home, I couldn't count the number of reds' and whites' I saw! Even old market women wore red and white. That's to point just how popular "valentine's day" is. Okay seriously, I understand how red was chosen to represent the day (courtesy of the colour of the heart), but how did white make it on d chart?

Anyway, my point is; After spending lots of money (in dis economic state of the country o) on meals, gifts, and of course fuel (on top subsidy removal). Exactly what has been the gain?

Okay!, maybe I'm just saying all these because I had no one to spend it with but deep down, I still can't fathom why anyone would want to throw around so much money without a care. The money could have served more purpose to you if invested, and would have put smiles on lots of children's faces if donated to an orphanage!

What happened to valentine cards, with fake roses on it? What happened to composing love poems or letters on valentine? What the heck happened to just sending text messages?

Well, I should probably inform #myfuturehubby formally now that we must never waste money on such occasions if it ain't our anniversary. Any affection or love you can't show on a normal day should stay buried in you on "valentine's day".

Con amor
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Sunday, 12 February 2012

Truths & Confessions...

Which of the health issues in the world is most terrible?...
I've tried to find an answer to that but as soon as I decide on one, another one props up! There's so many health problems that there are some you will never know about until you come across it. Let's even forget about the big medical termed ones, and take examples from the most common ones. Sickle cell anaemia is the most common in this part of the world, and the thing about it is they have periodic crisis (pain in the joints), and some are unlucky to have other pains but as soon as they're rehydrated, that's about it! Another common health issue is asthma, and the problem with them is that they sometimes have attacks (shortness of breath, chest tightness, n coughing). The unlucky ones die during the attack as a result of lack of oxygen for too long. The 3rd example is; epilepsy... I dunno how this became a medical condition, but I know it can be embarrassing. Having seizures for long (sometimes in public), most of dem can't go to the market, or parties because noise or crowd triggers their seizures. Reading has also been claimed to trigger seizures in epileptic patients. Other common examples are cancer, HIV! Do I have to describe how terrible those are?
Well, my point is; Sickle cell anaemia is one of the mildest health disorders. So, why do some people treat them like they aren't human??! If you notice, none of the ailments I mentioned has a particular known cure (if it had, everyone would be healthy). They only have suppressants! And nowadays, most sicklers don't even look sick.. They're as chubby as their AA genotyped mates are, and some are even more beautiful!

So, that makes me wonder why sicklers usually don't talk about their health issues, until it's either too late or when they're free from it (yes, they can be!); especially the ones that look it! I've heard of cases where female sicklers get married without letting their spouse know what they're getting into, simply because they're afraid of being judged or rejected. In any case, they also directly or indirectly reject their spouse the opportunity to choose; an option to stay or go..

Well, I beg to differ!
I've always been proud of who I am, and that includes everything that makes me, ME! I have never hid myself from people, just because of what they might think; what they think doesn't really matter anyway. It's what the people I love thinks that matters!
I am a beautiful, young, talented, endowed (in all ramifications) sickler! And I'm proud of it!
I do everything my friends do, while knowing my limits. I don't consider myself a lesser woman, just because I have an health issue. Infact, I think it makes me a better person, and a stronger woman.
I choose to give a man the option to stay or to go. If he's a real man, he will Ƃ able to handle it without thinking twice. Only boys get scared of Sickle cell disease. It's not like the "healthy" ones don't die, and it's not like they don't have other issues.
So, I say this; If I can accept YOU for your flaws (and we all have some), then you have no reason not to accept mine. I deserve so much more than a having a coward for a partner!

Con amor

Saturday, 21 January 2012

A piece of confused thoughts...

For some time now, my life has been a pack of confused thoughts jammed together in a container too small for it. Anyone would think, it had to be fun with the over spilling of emotions n all but trust me, it ain't!. It ain't fun at all when I sit for 24hours a day, for a whole weekend reading novels and watching tv. And it definitely ain't fun when I then go to work, and repeat the same sitting all day routine. Seeing the same people, having the same conversations, eating the same food, laughing at the same stories, getting angry at the same things,.... It all just get tiring at times!
I doubt it if you understand me, and I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense to you, but I think you've already figured out the part that says I'm confused! Contrary to what you may think by now, I'm not bored. I'm just too confused to know what to do first and what comes next. I don't even know how to arrange my words, or should I say express it in a better way? Okay!, let's assume I know what comes 1st and that happens to be work. What comes next? Or better still, what do I do after work to give my life meaning? I dunno what others define that as, but I think that's the problem I've been battling with inside.
I really don't know the the right words to use where and when right now, and it feels real good to write this kinda piece. A note that potrays just how confused and perplexed I really am!
From someone else's perspective, I may appear to have a good life, and I may even appear happy and content. Oh, but it's not that easy (no matter how much you and i wish it were)!. Aiiryt I know I'm starting to sound confused again, just bear with me please. Thing is; I'm a very happy person, and I smile a lot but unfortunately, there's a lot of difference between being a happy person and actually being happy! In this case, with one's achievements. I think the problem is that I don't feel as though I've achieved anything in life, and maybe that's true because I haven't! This truth registered in my head just yesterday when I was having a chat with my girlfriend. I realised that although I may hold a Bachelor's degree, and I may have a good paying job, I haven't achieved anything! (except if you count the creation of this blog, which was a very bold step for me if I may add)..

I mean, is that all to life? Study hard, get a few degrees, work, make money or make a living, maybe get married, make babies, then make them start the whole routine all over again. Is that really all there is to life?! Don't we have a greater purpose for being here, at this time, to do something more meaningful? Shouldn't there be something else in the routine?
The more I think, the more I have questions; and the more the questions run through my mind, the more I get confused. I'm sure you're starting to understand the reason behind my confusion now. I feel like it's just me, like it's my mind driving me crazy on purpose. My girlfriend accused me of "being too guarded even when I don't realise it, of not letting anyone in". If I do let anyone in my head, will they not go crazy with my thoughts? I promised her that I'm gonna change, that I'm gonna stop storing stuffs inside and I intend to go through wit the promise.
But where to start?! That's another confusion brewing!

Note that if you do understand this post, you're probably as confused as I am!

Con amor

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Proud to be MΕ!

They say every woman needs a man...
I Ǻ♍ a woman a man needs!
I Ǻ♍ a woman so beautiful, any man would be lucky to have me.
I Ǻ♍ a woman created with perfection; perfect smile, perfect eyes, perfect lips, perfect face, perfect body.
I Ǻ♍ a woman with an attitude every man loves.
I Ǻ♍ a woman so full of courage, most men shake.
I Ǻ♍ a woman every man respects.
I Ǻ♍ a woman stronger than all men
I Ǻ♍ a woman with enough confidence to lead a troop of soldiers.
I Ǻ♍ a woman so independent, every lady wishes to be me.
Even some men wish to be me.
I Ǻ♍ a woman so fragile, but steel could not break ♍ε.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, and I deserve the best of it all.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, intelligent in every way.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, kind at heart and caring in person.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, capable of making 10 great men.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, with the ability to stand strong in the face of evil.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, with pride.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, calm and virtuous.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, and can face the toughest situations with little or no fear.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, capable of making the most difficult decisions.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, of taste and class.
I Ǻ♍ a woman, and proud to be a woman in all ways.

These are the words every woman ought to speak to themselves daily in front of a mirror. I've said these words over and over since the 1st of january 2012 when I washed away the girl in me to unleash the woman I am!

LadyAries wishing ya'll a wonderful and prosperous 2012.

Con amor