Saturday, 29 December 2012

A Quarter Of Our World..... 2

I have tried to avoid getting my husband angry since the incident that happened that night, and God knows i've definitely tried very hard to be a virtuous woman for him. Unfortunately for me though, Jide (my husband) does not need any cause to hit me again.

Two days after that night, i made him vegetables for dinner and my husband had a problem with it. He as good as bathe me with his dinner and pushed me aside as if i was some plague. I had to clean myself up and make him another dinner that day (rice mixed with vegetables). I was really hurt that my husband could treat me in such manner when he could have simply told me to boil some rice for him to have his vegetables with, but as i said earlier i'm what you call a fool and a coward. I just ignored the fact that he was rapidly changing and continued my duties in the home as his wife. At this point however, his family were already stressing me about having a child even though majority of them are in Nigeria. Some have even called me to accuse that i wanted to distance their son from them is the reason i "took him to live in the US with me". Few of his family living also here in the US are like the devil's agents. They come to the house unannounced, to insult me in my home and my husband has never bothered to stand up for me with them. When we first got married, we talked about having 3 or 4 children and when i told him a few months later that i was pregnant, he insisted that i had an abortion. I know what you're thinking, a married woman? an abortion?... Well yes, i am a married woman and my husband asked me to abort our first baby. I did as he wanted because i didn't want to crumble my marriage at such early stage, when all he wanted was just to enjoy his wife some more before the arrival of our kids. Ever since the abortion though, my husband insisted that we get pills and just to be safe in case i didn't use it (of course, i don't use it), he always uses a condom. Till this day, he still makes love with me with a condom... as if i'm a whore!

The day i called his aunt to explain my dilemma to her was the day i made the biggest mistake.When his family trouble was getting unbearable, i had to confide in my sister and she urged me to tell my story to one member of his family maybe they would understand my plight and talk to my husband. I chose his aunt because it took her some time to have a child as well, and she was still a little lenient with me. She was shocked by my revelation alright, and she promised to speak with my husband. She did as promised, but i didn't expect the sort of response i got from my husband. He got home that day from work looking furious, and demanded to have his dinner. I served him his best meal that i had spent hours in the kitchen preparing and he just looked at it and threw it away. I thanked God i wasn't in his line of sight or i would have been injured, but that was just a preamble. He got up, grabbed me by my hair into the bedroom and beat the living day light out of me! He finished beating me, stripped me naked and had rough sex with me (i dare not call it rape because he is afterall, my husband). He later got up, and said i wanted sex without protection and he had given it to me and then he walked out of the house, leaving me lying there crying like a new born........

Con amor

A Quarter Of Our World.....

I always thought that "change", meant to be virtually a different person but today taught me that I couldn't be more wrong. You can change a persons appearance and looks, but you can not change someone's attitude and outlook on the world.

I have a lot worrying me and though I vowed not to let any get to me, I just can't keep them at bay. My name is Ireti, and I am what you call a coward. I am the girl that doesn't even have the confidence to tell the truth when it is needed most, I'm the girl that accepts everyone's wrath like it is meant to be a part of me. I am the girl who doesn't have the nerve to say what it is I want n what I do not! So, in my definition, I'm a coward.
I should tell you a little about myself. I am 26 years of age, and reside in New York. I am an asthmatic patient, and I've had acute chest syndrome before. I read your blog and was really inspired by your confidence, the way you just express yourself and confidently aired your problem for the world to see. I have a hubby whom I love so very dearly, partly because he's been there through it all. He loves me too, but he's quite controlling and unreasonable at times. We met on my 23rd birthday, in Lagos Nigeria. He came with a friend of his, who was also a friend of mine so introduction was easily done. We exchanged contact that day, and after a few days, he expressed his interest in me. He told me he really admired my beauty and would love to be in a relationship with me. I didn't even wait to think twice about it, I said yes immediately. I was 23 years, single, with concerned parents, so I just wanted to be in a relationship that may lead to marriage. We started dating, and shared each others stories, dreams, aspirations. We professed love for each other, and met our families. Everything was going smooth, and before we knew it, we had been dating for two years. Wedding bells began to ring, and both families were excited. My wedding was planned, and it was beautiful. I felt the part of a happy bride and my groom was ecstatic. Honeymoon was in Paris, for less than 2 weeks. After the wedding though, and we had settled into our routines of a "normal life", we started having problems. If I left the house, my husband would accuse me of cheating. If I received a call, he could get angry and throw it out. When at work, he would call almost 10 times in a day just to confirm I was actually at work. Sometimes, he would 'drop by' without warning and if I wasn't at work, I knew I was in trouble. I have lived in a "home" like this with my husband for the past year. What I don't get though, is how I didn't notice his obsessive behaviour from the beginning. I told no one about this issue since I didn't think it was very serious. He was just jealous, and at least he never raised his hand to hit me. A few months ago, we decided to move to the United States after he won a visa lottery. I tried to reason with him that we had our lives here, with a job and our families. He wouldn't listen though, it was simply what he wanted and I "was to go with him" as his wife!

Just last month, I got a job and it has been like back home. He's always suspicious of my every movement and conversations, but this time, he cannot drop by unexpectedly at my office. So, he started hitting me. I had a lot to do at the hospital one day, and got home about 30 minutes after he did. As soon as I got home, I begged him and hurried to make a quick dinner. When I served him, he asked me to kneel down and started asking me questions. He asked me where I had been, why his dinner wasn't waiting for him when he got home and if what I was doing was more important than he was. I tried explaining myself to him, but he would hear none of it. He accused me of all sort of despicable things and before I knew what was coming, he slapped me. I was shocked! I was tempted to raise my hand back in reflex but had to hold myself back. This is my husband, the man I loved with my heart. He must be very mad at me, and I vowed never to get home late again. I begged him, and told him how sorry I was, before making him the promise that I would never get home late again. Unfortunately though, when a man hits you once, he can never stop doing it...................

Con amor