Thursday, 31 May 2012

Change Of Plans

Have you ever had it all planned out, the way and manner you want your life to go and out of  the blue, a wind blows you in another direction?
Well it happened to me sometime ago and if you've ever experienced such, I'm sure you'll comprehend this post.

I had it all planned and figured out but now, I'm not so sure any more. At first, I decided to stick to my plan and oppose the direction the wind was steering me, but it was useless. I remained stagnant in one spot and could do nothing to move on. So, I decided to maybe let the wind direct me. I decided to feel free and wait, maybe let fate lead the way.
Now I know a lot of people dont believe in fate (and if i'm to be honest, i never really believed in it until now), but we sometimes need to see what life has planned for us. It could be way better than that which is firmly rooted in our hearts.

I don't want to go into the details/history of the decision I've had to change in my life or the direction fate is drawing me, but I'll try to explain myself for better understanding.
For about 2years now, I have made an unwavering decision in my head that I refused to let go of. I made my plans around the decision, searched for substitutes (a.k.a, the next best things), and went outta my way to hide from myself. I had made my decision, and nothing could change it! I thought to myself, 'I don't have to go in that direction, I could take another route (longer) to a less attractive location and still love it there'. I set my plans in motion, while ignoring the rocky obstacles on the way. No way I was changing direction, I was determined! So, I conquered obstacles and fresh ones arose. I tried, wanting to achieve what I had set out to do but it's tiring as well as discouraging when you have too many things blocking your way. I gave it a rest, decided to slow down and really look outside the box. Then I saw it, the route I had been so adamant to stay clear of. And to my surprise, it looked so smooth with flowers and sunshine. Yes it was my first choice and most obvious route, but I stayed clear because of a pine I came across. I then set on a longer route filled with obstacles, and so much dirt that it seemed like a sin to change my mind along the way.

When life has something planned for you, you cannot escape it. It might take longer to realise and unfold, but be sure that it will. If you don't go with life's plan, it will go with yours but only until it draws you nearer to what it had planned for you. So, now that I see beyond my nose and just how beautiful that route is, I'm picking up the pieces and moving with the wind. It so peaceful here, and less stressful. I've had a smile on my face since I ventured on this path; I'm content, now that I don't have to oppose the wind again...

Con amor

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Otra parte de mí

While growing up into the lady I am today, I've had many passion and most I never pursued. That is, until I started this blog to pursue my love for writing. Awhile ago, I made the decision to learn the sexiest language on earth. Yes! You heard right... I love Spanish and every cute man that can speak it. I've always found the language amazing, and always wished I could @least understand it. But as usual, the fire burned out. This has been the routine for about 5years now! Decide to start something for real, and it just goes off after sometime. I've still got other passions buried within that I'm basically reserved about, but I'm sure with time they'll begin to unfold.

Moving on to the main topic of the day (Another side of me), I think i have never been real good at completely expressing myself verbally (until recently). In fact I'm certain I don't get my message across well enough when spoken, but I make up for that in my write ups. What I lack the courage to say, I write (and that's a lot!). This is the reason I always compose poems or letters in my relationships to better express my emotions; be it anger, frustration, or love. I have learnt to be somewhat outspoken, but most of the talk usually lack a particular content. What I haven't been able to really talk about though, is my past. I've tried writing about it, to no avail.

Recently, I started getting some closure on my past and it's been good for me. I realised some things I was too scared to admit, and accepted other things I could do nothing about. I made confessions, and buried old hurts. I unleashed that "other side of me" I had been searching for. Little did I know it was right here all along, within me, waiting to be let out. A friend of mine told me all I needed to do was feel good about myself and actually believe, (not just say) that I deserve nothing short of the best in life! And I guess she was right. No, she IS right! Nothing is too good to be true for me.
I forgave myself for all I blamed ME of, I looked in the mirror and actually smiled, I felt that ℓ♥vΣ once again.
The ℓ♥vΣ I once felt for myself. I heard the echoes of distant laughter, my laughter. Felt old joys that long died, remembered past friendships, memories flashed through heavy lids.
On wiping away my tears and looking in the mirror, I saw me in a new light. I saw a peaceful me,
The ME I thought I would never see again.

Con amor..