Wednesday, 27 May 2015


I had initially drafted a post about cheating couples in  relationship, until I watched a movie I was very much passionate about. Please bear with me if it looks like I’m repeating the same topic over again. Sometimes, it is necessary to keep stressing the importance of some topics to enlighten those that do not know the true status of women in our society.

The way girls, and eventually women are being treated in Africa is ridiculous. The way we are treated in Nigeria is even worse! Regardless of the part of the world they’re settled in, Nigerians always have teachings/morals to in-still into their kids.

A typical Nigerian parent teaches her beautiful daughter to be ashamed of her beauty. We’re taught to dream, but are rarely encouraged to pursue our dreams. We can be intelligent and ace in all aspect of life but we are told not to think in our husband’s home. We are told to let the man lead and we follow in his steps though he may be more clueless than we are. We are taught to be grateful to men that they took notice of us in the first place, and possibly worship the ground they walk on if/when they do marry us. We learn early that we will be expected to satisfy our husbands (and in many cases, his family) in every way, holding our own needs back. We are told not to be more successful than our men, and when we end up achieving more than they, are asked to hide our achievements; they’ll say his ego won’t take it, or that he will not like the thought.

A typical Nigerian lady is brought up feeling incomplete without a man. She doesn’t feel like she has achieved anything in life if she hasn’t signed the “marriage register”. She is almost usually shunned by the society if she simply expresses a desire not to get married; and they assume she isn’t fit to be a mentor to younger girls. She is then told that if she doesn’t invite them back for a naming ceremony 18 months after her wedding, there is a problem. She is taught to worry herself dead and to simply assume she is the one with a problem. She is taught to do whatever is necessary to provide her husband with a child, even if it goes against everything she believes in.

This morning, I didn’t feel like going to work in a strict corporate attire so I dressed myself in a v-necked tee and a black mini skirt. My mother saw me before leaving the house dressed like this and she insinuated that I was roaming around naked. Usually, I’m not a mini skirt sort of girl but I like to change costume some times. I started wondering if my love for trousers was an unconscious decision all along for the fear of being judged if I wore something else, or if it was an honest love for trousers. I always consider myself one of the few Nigerian ladies that actually see what is wrong in our society, but maybe the damage already has been done. I see it, but can I change my thinking about my dressing? I’ve been taught that anything that exposes your thighs/knees downward, shoulders, and part of your cleavage is irresponsible clothing. Looking at the lady I have grown into, I still don’t feel comfortable in attires of such nature.

Con amor

Saturday, 9 May 2015

Best of Both worlds..

I really don't get it. Is it that we have lost all sense of value? of right and wrong as humans? Or is the syndrome particular to the male specie?!
Why would a man in his right senses go and profess love for another woman asides his wife? I truly am confused, and you'll understand why soon enough.

My best friend, shall I say, is a victim of the circumstance called "men". Her ex boyfriend is back professing undying love for her , even though he's married to another. Immediately after his wedding (and I mean the day after), he was already on her case. How he missed her, how he needed her, wanting to make babies with her, and a bunch of silly notions. Now, my friend is currently single so she easily got overwhelmed enough to fall in the trap.... Until she began yearning for much more than he could give. The truth is that no matter how much he claims to love her, he still has to go home to his wife daily, warm her bed, eat her meals, and create a family with her.

In a bid to help my friend, I decided to confront the guy and probably convince him to let go. Things didn't exactly go my way and I ended up more confused than I was at the beginning. The general idea of my conversation with him is as follows;
He loves his wife (shocker!), loves her so much that he would do anything to make her happy. But he also loves my friend. He chose his wife above all others (and there was a substantial number, trust me!) because she's his best friend, understands him like no other, and actually let's him be free to be him! This is the same guy that tells my friend she knows him like no other. Anyway, it so happens that his wife knows about his indiscretions but either doesn't care, or simply chooses to ignore it. (I guess it's a criteria for being wife to your best friend, you know them too well, and let them continue with the bad habits anyway. Knowing you're a Mrs Somebody and married to the man of your dreams should be enough consolation!). He told me truthfully though that the thought of seeing Bisi with another man kills him. Tayo, 'he said' nobody else can love Bisi like I do, only I can make her truly happy. He's currently in the process of getting my friend an apartment and pressuring her for a child. His wife just delivered their first child, and he's still hellbent on having my friend. Before you say its possible because we're in Africa, ask yourself if that was God's idea of marriage when he created man and woman. Might I include that everyone involved are Christians?...

Love or not, I think this is WRONG! I wonder how I would feel knowing that my husband desires another woman asides me or even desire her as he does me, and wants some sort of a life with her. He defines the adage that says"wanting to eat one's cake and have it". My friend was there and he consciously chose another woman as his wife. I don't like to judge, but I think it's safe to assume he didn't choose Bisi then because he thought she was only good enough to be his mistress and not his legal wife.
What then has changed? Nothing! He's still married to his best friend/ love of his life. He's still making a family with his wife.

The next time my friend asked my opinion, I simply told her love is not always enough.

Still your LadyAries!