Monday, 18 March 2013


.....As I lay there, with my eyes tightly shut, I stopped hearing their grunts, It seemed I had totally blocked out their laughter. I could no longer watch, I just felt like dying... "End this ordeal", I said in a silent prayer to God as more tears washed down my face. If anyone had told me this would be happening to me, I would have said it a lie, but here I am, with 5 men taking their turns to have sexual satisfaction at my expense... At the expense of my pain, at the expense of my tears, at the expense of my bitterness... How could I ever get this memory off? How could I be sane again?...
For a brief moment again, I became aware of the pain igniting like fire between my thighs... The one on me currently was smiling down at me, saying things I didn't hear... He had slapped me to get my attention. The pain is getting unbearable, and I started praying that I don't survive this torture when he finally made a loud grunt and stood up. It was such a relief! Painful, but still a relief... I could feel the liquid gushing between my thighs and I knew I was bleeding even before I heard one of them say it. The fourth man was already naked and had jumped on me... He didn't listen to his friend that noticed the blood, or maybe he just didn't care, I don't know.. I can't start to analyse how human minds work now... I felt a more powerful pain as he slid into me... Pain like I've never felt before... I knew for sure I was going to die before this was over... I had to die! He seemed to be more brutal than his friends, but what do I know?.. I couldn't even think... All that comes to mind amidst the pain and tears, is my family... I wonder how they would cope if (when) they knew the pain I was in before I died... How would my mother feel when they saw my corpse, violated... Would they even see my corpse?... I was hanging by the thread and knew not what plans these brutal men had in stock for my lifeless body... Yes, lifeless! That's an appropriate way to describe how I currently feel... I can barely move a muscle, and it feels like my soul has separated from my body.... I could swear I can see what was being done to me from outside my body...."Lord please if you're up there, make this stop!", I seem to scream in my head... No sound came from my lips, I was beyond shocked, and my pain had gone beyond tears... I felt invisible, like I was floating in the atmosphere and no one could see me. I just lay there and allowed them to do as they please; hoping, praying, that this ordeal would end soon... Praying they should get their satisfaction in a hurry and let me be... Hoping the Lord would hear my prayers and call me to him to rest! 

I had screamed so much, it felt like I had no voice anymore... I fought with all my strength, but I'm merely a 53kg lady against five grown men. At first, I had hoped that someone would hear me; I hoped somebody would come to rescue me; I actually believed a miraculous intervention would occur; but I was wrong! They beat me badly, although that didn't deter me from fighting. Then they held me down, tore my clothes, and started taking turns on me. The biggest man of them seemed like the ring leader and he went first. I had no idea how long he was on me for, but it took forever. I screamed, I cried, I pleaded with them to no avail. They just laughed, and touched me all over. I tried biting him but was given a slap that cut my lip. By the time he was finally done, I couldn't stop crying. I coiled up, trying to cover myself with the assumption that it was over. All I felt was shame; the shame of being tainted and I felt like being swallowed by the ground just imagining how I would ever face the world! Unfortunately, that became the least of my problems when the second man spread my legs again and laid on me. I kicked and struggled as hard as my body could allow, having just realised their intention to gang rape me! My efforts were futile, as they only beat me more and brutal this time. By the time the second man was done, I had stopped fighting... I lost every will to fight. I couldn't even sob anymore, and I was done pleading. I didn't make any sound, all I could was use what energy I had left to ignore the pain I was going through! I felt shallow, like my soul had been ripped from my body...

It seemed like I had been unconscious as I didn't even know when the fourth man got up, and the fifth laid on me... By the time I came to, the fifth man was just about done and he collapsed on me... I drifted off, sliding between consciousness and unconsciousness. I was bruised, and I felt dead. The feeling I didn't recognise actually seemed like peace. I felt some strange feeling of being at peace in my soul. I just didn't know if I was at peace with myself, my rapists, death or God!. I just continued to slide into unconsciousness thinking God had forsaken me! I prayed and waited for him to do something, for him to perform a miracle, to save me from this pain!

I unconsciously registered the men trying to get dressed and saying things...I may have smelt panic, but my senses seemed dead...The sound I heard was like a siren, but how could I be sure?... I could barely feel myself breath... Is that my heart?, or is someone playing a drum far away?... I was totally violated, but not dead! I realised this in my pool of blood and felt a twinge of hope.......
                                              ................. Blacks out......................

Con amor

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Forgiveness: the sensible choice...

Forgiveness is a very vital aspect of life. Either in relationships, friendships, or in our day to day activities. We should always learn to forgive regardless of how we have been erred after all, to err is human and to forgive is divine!

"Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil".........

Fear not, I'm not about to start quoting the Bible or Quran to give u endless passages and reasons why you should forgive. I'll leave that choice to you, while hoping you make the sensible one!
Forgiveness actually begins and ends with you, not the wrong doer. You have to be willing to accept and come to terms with whatever it is you're mad about. Then, and only then can you open up your heart to forgive. Anger is one of the most destructive emotions human beings have, alongside love, jealousy, obsession, and hatred. Often times, anger affects our physical well being and health in various ways and makes us totally unreasonable, if not destructive.
Angry people are more vulnerable to sin and so, the sooner you forgive, the sooner you let go and that way, you can avoid your anger redirecting into depression, sullenness, self-pity or snide remarks that may end up hurting more people around you than you intend! To avoid these, try not to let the sun set on your anger and try to resolve whatever upsets you before going to bed.
Health wise, anger has been said to trigger heart attacks (which eventually may lead to stroke), accelerate coagulation (most likely in the vessel) that causes pain, increases the total cholesterol of the body(increases the bad LDL cholesterol more than the good HDL cholesterol), and may lead to death as we are often not in control of ourselves while angry.

Everyone have their moments, and the holy books don't preach against anger although it preaches against the sin we may commit while angry. Jesus Christ had moments of anger, and it is in the holy books. Only his anger did not stop him from trying to win souls, spreading the gospel, healing his people, and being a nice gentle soul. In fact, God himself (our Almighty God, who is without sin), is said to have gotten angry a few times in the bible. The Hebrew word for anger appears approximately 455 times in the Old Testament, and of these, 375 times it refers to the anger of God. Yet, he forgives us... Who are we, to hold a person in debt of their mistakes (especially when we know the possible risks our anger can trigger)!

Anger is a natural feeling but should never control you nor should you be hasty in expressing it, especially in love and relationships, forgiveness should be paramount. We weren't there when Romeo and Juliet were in love, but I know it all couldn't have been all rosy before they both decided to die for love! I'm sure once or twice, they would have hurt each other and still forgave each other. Jack and Rose obviously didn't know each other long enough before the titanic sunk, or they would have had more disagreements than one with their difference in lifestyles. All they knew well though, was their hearts and the love that bound them together on that ship.
Forgiveness is a choice, a healthy choice; the way love is. You can choose to remain in love and give your all, forgive, move on, and live in peace and happiness; or you can remain angry, and throw away the good the Lord has blessed you with via your anger. Making mistakes is a natural part of life, but you should never allow yourself to be held back by them nor should you allow another pay for their mistakes forever!

Please, for the sake of this special month we are in, and for your own well-being, I implore you to forgive whoever has trespassed against you or wronged in any way, as the Lord himself forgives you of your sins!

Con amor