Friday, 20 June 2014

Happily Never After.... #3

The boys were called, and they shyly stood there being gaped at by all but their father. The more Tope and Temi grew now, the more they looked strikingly like their father. I removed MY boys from their gaze and gave them all they would need for the next few hours safely watching tv in my room. All his friends started asking him questions about the boys, and at least he got their names right. He oddly sounded like a proud father. This got me royally pissed. This are the same children he never bothered to look at even once since their birth. Then I heard his best friend announcing that Tayo had lied to him when he swore he would never touch me again after the rape. I went back into the kitchen to get them some muffins and cold drink, all the while thinking to myself. So Tayo had told his friend about an event that marred my life? Had sworn never to touch me again? Why had his friend sounded so disappointed? I put the thought aside, and served the drinks. It was only his "female friend" that had the courage to question me on the age of my boys. And she joked about it saying no one would have guessed it with my petite stature. From what I had heard through the walls, I seem to understand what she was insinuating so I took a seat and told her what she was curious to know. Yes, they are my boys, conceived in my womb, carried by me, and brought to the world with my help. I took the opportunity and looked at Tayo's best friend to make him realise my displeasure. True, I was raped in Tayo's family house on my wedding night. It was no concern of his and I wonder why Tayo had to let him in on it. Nevertheless, should I have been punished for being brutally raped by being denied a fruit of the womb? And then just to rattle up my husband, I finished my speech by telling them not to be surprised if they came next and found a beautiful girl that chooses to look more like me than her father in the house. As expected, this erupted some denial from Tayo, so I shut him up quick and nicely. Really, enough of my topic being chewed upon by his friends so I put an end to it and excused myself. Tayo's best friend, Kay  as he is popularly called had turned white (if that's possible), and what he said next stopped me from slipping out of the room. "You aren't going to leave him are you? Not after giving him 3children, not after all he's done, you are never going to leave him!!!". This outburst shocked not just me, but Tayo and his friends into silence. "He's my husband, Kay" was all I could think of saying. "But I saw you first! I met you before he did. I loved you long before he took any notice of you!" This gave me chills as it dawned on me. I suddenly felt sick remembering all the good gestures I ever extended to Kay and what he must have thought of it. "What more could I have done to make you leave him? I did everything Aishat asked me to. I would have preferred to just get Tayo out of the way, but Aishat begged me not to. She told me that you would leave him if you were unhappy in your marriage. She said he would hate you if you were soiled, and would never touch you. Now she is reaping the fruit of my labour and I still don't have you!"  Tayo and his other friends recovered from their shock as everyone realised what Kay was taking responsibility for. Kay wasn't done rambling though as he kept saying Tayo ruined it all, he shouldn't have remained married to me, and he was never supposed to touch me, not after I was raped! This jeered me alert and I was done listening. With every strength I could muster, I  ordered him out of my house!.

Shortly after Kay was forced out, I asked everyone else to kindly excuse me. All, except my husband. I could see the plea in his eyes but I didn't need it. As far as I was concerned, nothing had changed. I am still the same lady that was raped by 3 men on her wedding night. God only answered my prayers and chose to end my misery. I didn't offend anyone that much. I only suffered as a result of jealousy, envy and a bit of stupidity on Tayo's part. Tayo had always shared everything with Kay, and although I forbade him from talking about me to his friends, I'm sure he exempted his best friend "Kay"! We stood there staring at each other for what seemed like hours before I excused myself to return upstairs to my children.
I do not blame Kay, because he didn't ruin my marriage. I blame Tayo. We could have still worked it out, we could have let love lead us, we could have gotten through it together, we could have taken comfort in our kids, as gifts from Allah. Instead, he rejected me, shut me out, ignored his boys' existence, and decided to get comfort out of his home. Home? This has never felt much like a home anyway.
For the sake of the children, I have remained in a loveless marriage. I should have made sure the man I fell in love with 4years ago would stick with me through it all. It was all that ran through my mind as I dialled my lawyer's number.

It's high time I got that divorce....

Happily Never After.... #2

I woke up to the noise and bright light surrounding me; slowly becoming aware  of my environment. My mothers both looked at me encouragingly but I sensed some anguish. I looked around trying to make sense of what was happening. What am I doing in what looks to be an hospital bed when I should be getting married to my heartthrob?/...OMG....
Awareness and memory rushed in at once and echoed in my head with an ache as i tried to sit up on the bed to make sense of anything. I had gotten married yesterday to the man of my dreams, and I was going to tell him about our baby when those men brought him up and made him watch (at gun point) as I was raped by 3 of them till I lost consciousness.
Hot tears flowed down my eyes, and I held on to myself. I looked at my mother inlaw's face again and my heart broke. Had those men hurt my husband when I lost consciousness? God please no! Not my beloved! Life would be meaningless without him in it. I looked up at my mum and the worry there, made me hold my tummy tighter. I tried saying something and asking questions but I couldn't. My throat felt rough & painful. My mother noticed the silent struggle and held me. She soothed me and I dropped into an exhausted sleep soon after. I woke the second time to an authoritative voice saying it was a miracle. They had thought the baby would die, assumed the violence would have aborted it. They would do all their best to save mother and child, while ensuring both were in the best of health.
A week later, I was back home feeling better and happier. Tayo wasn't hurt that night, and had stayed away from the hospital because he couldn't take it. Everything is okay now, was the biggest lie I ever told myself. I have my sweetheart, and my baby is still growing within me. Tayo knows now that I am pregnant, not the way I would have loved him to hear but it couldn't be avoided. For a newlywed however, Tayo was BUSY! This made it rather difficult to talk to him about anything. Not our baby, our future, and certainly not our wedding night! A month later, when my mother inlaw was convinced that I was strong enough, Tayo and I moved into our own house. I was happy because I thought it would help cushion the bitterness. They had repeated the story so much that I knew it by heart. The men had lied to the security that they were amongst the wedding party and hadn't given the couple the money received on their behalf, my brother inlaw had opened the main door and was shoved aside, the men seemed to recognise Tayo and congratulated him before asking after the bride. Five men in all, and they took nothing that night, except my fairytale...
Tayo had stopped eating my food, he only speaks to me when it can't be avoided, and he doesn't share my bed. Tayo now looks at me as if I am a dirty rag. Long gone is the sweet nature he always had with me,  replaced by a sour one. I tried everything I could. I pleaded, cried, tried getting his attention by dressing up sexy, to no avail. The more time passes, the more heavy I got, and the more he stayed away. It is really difficult for me. This is the man I had thought would kill just to make me happy. I do understand his plight also, and all I wished was for him to talk to me about it; to try and resolve it. It was me that was raped: it was me that had to scream over and over for help: it was me that had to face the fact that those men came only for one purpose, to ruin my life!: it is me that I've had to think over & over if I could have offened anybody so badly that they would turn my happiest day into the sadest: it is me that I've had to spend hours on my praying mat, not to ask for anything but to pray for the men who ruined my marriage before it even begun.
It was the longest 8months of my life, living in pain and loneliness. Tayo had travelled 2 months ago, without any bye, hello or how do you do! His mother has been a real support, even though I can't bear to tell her half the things that happen in my home.  I drove myself to the hospital for a scheduled ceaserian section; even my doctor knew I would be too weak to push. I called my family just before I was taken into the theatre.
My mother inlaw took me home with her, saying I couldn't take care of two new babies on my own, and I needed care. I was delivered of 2 healthy boys that decided they had to look exactly like their father! I had no idea if this should make me happy or sad. I pretended I was too weak to call my husband, knowing he wouldn't pick up my call and instead urged his mum to deliver the news. She told him to come home as we only had about 4days to the naming ceremony. Tayo's mum is just precious and rare amongst jewels; not bothered about all that happened, not caring that I'm just a daughter inlaw, she treated me like I was conceived in her womb. She forced me to eat about four or five times in a day just so I wouldn't look so thin on the naming of her grandsons. Tayo returned the night before the naming, and I suspect he would rather not be there at all. The boys were already asleep so he didn't see them till the next morning. He stared at them as though an injustice had been done, and wouldn't touch them. My boys were named "Temitope & Temitayo" names I had to decide on, on my own bearing in mind that Tayo wouldn't give them any. Tope and Temi seemed to sense their father's aloofness as well and tried not to disturb when he was in the room. The Times when they cried at night though, received curses from my husband. I would hurriedly take the babies out to feed and change them, dose off getting them settled, only to be woken by a kick or nudge telling me to go into the room before his mother woke up. I was with my mother inlaw till the boys were 41 days old, although Tayo had returned home since the week after the naming. When we got back home, I finally designed my boys' room. I had avoided doing it for so long, either as a result of my depression or a little hope that I might loose the pregnancy and get back my husband. Having had the boys now though, and not needing a DNA test to proof they belong to Tayo, I now know that my husband is long gone. Even if I had lost the pregnancy, the damage had already been done. He would never be mine again!
I wasn't taught to give up easy though, so I remained in my home. Tayo and I had bought the house shortly before our court wedding and had consummated the wedding on the very bed I sleep in. I moved my things, and my boys into the guest room on a weekend he wasn't home. It's time to move on, and stop being so depressed. The memories were hard on me, but I can't hold on to the past anymore. I now had my boys to think of, to be strong for! I resumed work as soon as I could after the 3rd month, went shopping for the whole year I had missed in the fashion world, and adequately cleaned myself up. I enrolled my boys in one of the best schools, paid their fees easily, without ever talking to Tayo about it. This went on for 2 more years under the same roof and I doubt it if he knew his kids had started schooling at all. On a rainy sunday afternoon, he had his friends come over and I automatically switched to my role as hostess. I fed them all sorts of delicacies and smiled all through. None of them knew that we had 2 growing boys in the house. They weren't invited to the naming ceremony. The boys came down to get their lunch when his best friend saw them. He exclaimed as though he had seen the impossible!!

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Happily Never After?...

My Nikkah was the best and most glamorous event this town had ever seen. It was filled with colours and the open space couldn't have seen better decorations. My husband and I decided on a garden wedding as our theme, so we had to to create a garden on an open field at a fine location. We had so many visitors and well wishers, that there was barely any space left on the field. The Imam joined us as man and wife quickly, and wasted no time quoting verses from the Qur'an. Wedding reception started immediately and it wasn't a dull moment from beginning till the end. The food was surplus, laugh was contagious, and dance was FUN! We didn't want it all to end, but we had to rest, to begin our lives as man and wife. I had booked a room (the honeymoon suite) at a prestigious hotel to spend our wedding night in before leaving for Bahamas in d morning. To my surprise however, my husband had no desire of spending our special night in an hotel. He felt like being around people, namely: his family. His suggestion was cool with me, because they are my family too. I'm not saying that because we just got married, its the truth. I am a lucky woman: blessed with an amazing man, and wonderful in-laws. His parents adopted me as their daughter since they first laid eyes on me. Tayo and I were so much in love! We had only been dating for 10months when he asked me to marry him, but anyone would assume we had been together forever! His mum often joked about how her son might have lived unhappily if he had never met me. We got married legally (at the registry) about 2 months before our Nikkah took place. Tayo insisted we consummate the wedding for the first time that night, and after that, we could barely keep our hands off each other. It was no secret to either family, but they weren't bothered because we both had very busy schedules and with the wedding preps? We didn't see often. The Times we did see though, was always magical. I found out I was expecting our first child 2 weeks before the Nikkah. I told my mothers about it but urged them to keep it from my husband. I wanted that to be his wedding gift, given to him on our proper wedding night. I anticipated the moment and ordered flowers for the suite at the hotel, which wouldn't be used now. I quickly let my thoughts slide as Tayo hung up the cell. It was his best man that called to wish him well. If truth be told, Tayo looked genuinely happy and I smiled to myself. Happy, Content, and Positively in love.... for the rest of my days.- My wedding goal!
We got home (his parents), and water was poured on my leg (for fun, as they had no idea how to perform the rite) before my husband carried me in. We showered, changed into casuals, prayed with the family, had some fruit and talked. My in-laws took the time to advice us both, gave us candid talks, and possible solutions to some popular problems newlyweds usually face. It was almost 10pm when I excused myself. It had been a long day, I was tired and we're going on our honeymoon the next morning. I also had it nagging my mind that I was yet to tell Tayo he would be a father. If I hadn't slept yet before he came in, then I would still tell him tonight. I could hear his mother telling him to come join me in the room, and I ran into the bedroom to wear my sexy wedding lingerie. I didn't have to look in the mirror, I only had to judge by the feel of the satin and lace material on my body. I am beautiful, and I feel sexy as hell! A few minutes after I sat down to brush my hair and pack it in a cute way for the night, I heard faint footsteps ascending the stairs. I jumped unto the bed when I had made sure my hair complemented my outfit, and laid in a provocative manner. Butterflies played around in my abdomen. I was anxious to see the look on his when he walked into the room. I had on my megawatt smile as the door opened, only for my smile to be wiped away.....