It took me awhile to be able to draft this
post as I had no idea what I wanted to write about and I definitely dint know
how to express what was bugging me!
Lately, I've been reading a lot on love and
relationships (mostly bad and true), and I know I’m not qualified to tell anyone
about love, but I suddenly felt like being an advocate for Love. It ain’t
always that bad...
We all know love isn’t full of roses; a
love that seems sweet at the beginning definitely has sharp thorns on the way.
The bits n pieces of broken hearts we come across on the way don’t even make it
seem like a big deal to fall in love again these days. If you have ever fallen
in love, you’ll realise that it is almost the yummiest thing on earth though,
also the saddest; very confusing at times, but still with sweet memories. I
have once tasted those sweet-yummy-hot-dangerous-passionate love before and of
course we both got burned on the way out, but one thing I learnt is that
"When it is true love, then nothing can be compared". The heartbreaks
don’t matter, they heal with time. The tears don’t count, they dry up within
seconds. But the laughers, the happiness and joy, those can never be replaced!
They are the beauty of loving.
The crazy aspect of loving, however, is the
torture of the uncertainty. You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you’re
doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the
relationship and you wonder at night if you’re the only one or if you’ll still
be in a relationship the following morning. When you do ask the questions, you
are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do. I have to confess
that I’ve been guilty of this part of loving; though mine was in a different form.
I kept questioning myself if I was good enough, what I was doing wrongly, if it
was all worth it. My problem was that an idea had been firmly rooted in my mind
that kept making me unsure of myself, and once an idea has been planted in my
head, it never comes out. No matter how hard I try to forget some words or
jokes, I just can’t seem to. And my subconscious takes them so serious that I
later refer to those statements whenever I feel unworthy, making me only more
certain that I definitely wasn’t good enough. I say this is my worst part in
loving and it’s definitely the toughest!
Now, the worst part of love to most people
and the easiest part for me is the heartbreak. I think it’s the easiest aspect
because the torture is finally over, the tears are over and done with, the
emotional tortures? Gone! When you’ve gotten to this stage, I don’t see any use
weeping over spilt milk. You’re supposed to just get up, pick up the pieces and
do something worthwhile with your life. You play yourself some good music and
inspire your mind with lovely poems. Tell yourself over n over in a mirror that
you deserve so much better than the guy, eat some chocolates, go shopping n get
you some sexy outfits, tell yourself again that you don’t need a man, and then
make yourself desirable.. ‘Scuse me? Did I hear you say heartbreak???
Finally, the easiest part of loving to some
but most difficult part for me is moving on... I don’t
know how to do it. I have loved in a particular place, and invested all my
emotions, and moving on seems near impossible for me. I can even try going on a
million dates, and maybe have an affair or 2, but love is once in a lifetime
for me... Best I can do is pretend to move on, and make myself worthy of any
lucky dude that comes ma way...
But all in all, Love is the most beautiful
feeling in the world and it doesn’t hesitate to keep a smile on my face
everyday...
Con amor.
