Tuesday, 29 November 2016

trouble in paradise #2

…… I took it slowly and gentle with her, bearing in mind that she had never done this before. I took my time to pleasure her through foreplay so as to get her ready for me, and then I slipped myself into her…..gently…..slowly……waiting for the hymen to stop my entrance so I could tear it carefully. I was still waiting when I had completely immersed myself into her (and believe me, I am not on the small side). There were no restrictions, nor could I feel the walls of my wife’s vagina. After a couple of thrusts, I stopped because I just wasn’t feeling it. My wife looked up at me with a pout, and said “you should wear a condom, it makes the friction so much better”. I felt like the world had slipped and I was going into oblivion. Did Temilade just say what I believe her to have said? Oh My God!, Did that mean I have waited over a year to have sex with a girl that wasn’t a virgin? I felt played, I felt embarrassed, I felt like hiding my face in shame. I tried hard to breathe deeply, in and out to stay calm, then I asked “Temilade, you told me you were a virgin, what happened?”. My wife smile at me with malice and replied, “Honey, does it really matter if I am a virgin or not? We are married now, and that’s all that matters. Besides, I didn’t actually think you were serious when I said it. I just needed an excuse not to sleep with you, knowing I would return to my hometown after my service year”. She tried touching me and I swatted her hands away. I moved away from the bed, got dressed and took a drink out to the balcony. I was out for 2 to 3 hours, without even knowing. The only thing going through my mind was the girl I had already disvirgined in her prime, and wronged in every way. I wondered how she was doing now. Has she been able to forgive me and move on? I remember seeing her at my wedding reception, looking good but not quite happy: but then, who is ever happy at their ex’s wedding? I should call her as soon as I got home- give her some explanations at least. Would I say it was the devil? Or would I blame it on Temilade, who as of this minute is my new wife?. Temilade,…… I thought to myself. She had played her game so well without stopping to think of the repercussion. I had not even bothered to do all the necessary blood tests before we got married because I convinced myself that she’s got to be clean- she’s a virgin after all. I felt another wave of anger wash over me, and I continued to do breathing exercises. It wasn’t worth it right? We shouldn’t start our marriage on this sour note. I didn’t marry her because of her virginity, or did I? it shouldn’t really matter because I genuinely love her. I did not fall in love with her with her because she claimed to be a virgin, right? Right??.. I began to search myself for an answer.
By the next day, I had come to a conclusion that I would try as much as possible to make my marriage work. Partly because I did not want to be ridiculed, and mostly because I truly believed (after a lot of self convincing) it shouldn’t matter if my wife was a virgin or not. Although we had started off wrongly by giving the foundation a lie to rest on, but I intended correcting it. I discussed with Temilade at length on my decision and she explained that the deceit was not done purposely. She said I was eager to brand her as someone pure, and didn’t have the heart to tell me otherwise. Her family had been pestering her long before she graduated from school, and she saw me as her ticket to achieving her aim. She expressed how bitter she was about the situation, but assured me of her unwavering love for me. This was good for me; she was sorry, and I was willing to forgive. During the course of our stay in Europe, we tried getting to know each other better. It was good for us in every way, even sexually. Although I was used to Lara’s tight vagina during intercourse, I had to find a way to get used to my wife’s loose vagina. After all, I’ll be going in there for the rest of my life. At the end of our ‘honeymoon’, Temilade and I had become somewhat friends. We had decided she wouldn’t bother job hunting; it was better I start a business for her. I resumed work with the zeal of a newly wedded man, and I was able to say I felt happy!
Barely 2weeks after we returned home from the honeymoon, I noticed that Temilade had never entered our newly renovated kitchen to cook me a meal. She was always going out to buy our food, or placing orders at restaurants nearby. At first, I thought it was the euphoria of being newly married, but one day after asking her to make me vegetable and swallow from work, I returned home to find my wife dishing yellow eba and egusi on the dining table. The soup was so small, in comparism to the eba so I requested to have more soup. Here, my wife lamented that the lady who sold her meal had been quite stingy with the soup, meaning she had bought my dinner from a notable restaurant. I tried to hold the reigns on my anger, and said “If you had needed money for foodstuffs, you ought to have told me instead of buying this. I cant keep eating out”. It was when I saw her expression that a feeing doomed crossed over me. That pout was sitting over her expression, then she said, “Honey if you want home cooked meal, you’ll have to get a maid. Cooking is not amongst my skills”. She said it without as much as a blink. I could only stare at my wife of just a little over a month. I had no idea what to say, no could I think. I felt worn out emotionally and psychologically. Temilade was wearing me thin, and we hadn’t even made it to our first anniversary yet. I knew I couldn’t cope on simply restaurant meals because I was very much used to home-cooked meals. Lara had spoilt me with well nourishing diet. Eventually when I could face her later that night, I told her to get in touch with her mother to request for the maid. This seemed to make her happy, because she gave me a kiss right after I said it and said, “Thank God!, I was beginning to wonder how I would keep this house clean when dust begins to accumulate”.
Six months after I got married, I had gotten used to eating the crap our maid prepared every night. My wife did nothing in the house, she had even stopped giving me sex regularly. She even refused to take care of the business I started for her, preferring to get another maid for that purpose. All she did was hang out with friends, party, and party some more. We were virtually living as mere flat mates, and not a couple.  I had even begun to seek out Lara, with the pretense of apologizing. The love I felt for Lara came back into my heart in full, making me wish I hadn’t hurt her so much. Lara on the other hand refused to see me most days, and when she did pick my call, she made it brief. She made me understand that she had forgiven me, but could not be friends with me. If she had given me the chance, I would let her know that I wasn’t actually looking into being friends with her. All I wanted was to have my girl back, with all the good things that came with her. I never spent as much as I have in 6 months of being married, during my 10 years of dating Lara. She assisted me when I was down financially, never spent lavishly, and made me come first in her life! I didn’t recognize the perfection I owned in my life, and I gave her up in replacement of a worthless being. The lady I couldn’t wait to marry a year ago, had now become an object of disgust.
On our first anniversary, my wife shared pictures from our honeymoon on social media with sweet words to accompany them. To outsiders, it would look like we had the perfect relationship, such that some would have wished for a love like ours. At the end of the day, I received a facebook message from someone who I didn’t know personally. It contained pictures of my wife, naked with several men,  with some focusing on her wedding ring; letting me know that the pictures were taken after we got married. I wasn’t hurt by the pictures, as my heart never laid with her but I felt played all over again. What was I to call this? Karma, for what I had done to an innocent angel? Or was God simply paying me back for my past misdeeds?

Do I request to have a divorce, or do I stay with a pathological liar and cheat?, especially when she ‘claims’ to be having my child…. 


Trouble In Paradise...

Or what else do you call a total and absolute delusion about the marriage institution? It really was once a paradise, until it turned sour.
I met this lady through a mutual friend while she was serving her country in Lagos state. She happened to also be an engineer and that captured me instantly, along with her packaged beauty of course. As at the time I met Temilade, I was in a relationship that had begun back in the university, and was on its way to our 10th year together as a couple.  Naturally, every one (my parents included) had begun to do minor preparations for the wedding they were certain would come the following year between my girlfriend and I. Hell!, even I thought we would get married!. I just never gave it much thought, that is, until I met Temilade. Maybe it was due to the fact that she already took good care of me like a wife would, but I was never really bothered about asking her hand in marriage. Don’t misunderstand me please, I did love my girl, so much that I would do anything for her. She satisfied me with everything and anything I wanted. She would come on weekends to the house, clean up, do my laundry in the machine, cook my food, stock up the fridge, and of course satisfy me sexually. For some reason though, we men tend to take the ladies that stick with us for granted. I honestly never meant to hurt Lara, as she’d been with me through it all. I just took it too much for granted-  her love for me.
Temilade came as a breath of fresh air. A piece of mint gum when you just had a bowl of palm oil yam porridge. She tantalized my senses and sent me into a disillusioned state. Was it her fault? NO! it was all mine. For some reason, my girlfriend of 10years was no longer good enough- not in the kitchen, not in bed, and absolutely not at events. All I could think about was Temilade, and how she would do it so much better. At this point, I had started to date Temilade by the side, but we could not spend as much time as I would have loved together. Also, Temiade was quite busy with work at her primary assignment and I was immensely proud of her. On the other hand, I did not know how to end things with Lara whom I have been with for 10 years, so I begun to throw subtle signs at her. I would flare up for no apparent reason, insult her, talk ill of her family, reject her food, purposely lock her out on some weekends and lie about it. In all this however, she was ever so patient. She did not retaliate, nor did she relent in her effort to please me. She would even apologize  for what she didn’t do, pet me, feed me, and then make love to me. I know, I am guilty as charged!- I am but a man, and I have never been able to reject love making. Sometimes, it feels like she’s the only one that can make me feel like a man. Well, all that is before I met Temilade. Now all I think about, is how Temilade would do it better.

The weekend Temilade and I finally spent together was one of the best and most anticipated weekends of my life. We both had a getaway to the cattle ranch and lodged all weekend. We had so much fun, and it was like my fantasies came to life. When night came, Temilade explained to me that she was a virgin and did not wish to have sexual intercourse with a man until her wedding night. I was surprised. Really?! A 22 year old graduate that was still untouched in the century we are in? I was happy and excited to have met the perfect girl, forgetting that  the girlfriend of 10 years was also once a virgin until she began to please me with everything, including her body. I began to fall more deeply in love with Temilade, if that was even possible. I started to think of a future with Temilade, that did not include any other girl. This undercover relationship continued for 6 more months with me taking brief weekend getaway trips with Temilade. A month after Temilade’s passing out from NYSC, I was able to get us both tourists visa to France. We travelled the week leading to my 10th year anniversary with Lara, with me telling her I had to travel for work. Temilade and I got to Paris, and had a vacation to remember. We toured the city, tasted the local dishes and learnt about the culture. On the midnight of my 10th anniversary with Lara, I proposed to Temilade. I proposed in the most romantic city, at a time when it felt just right, in a beautiful location , with a ring that had been weighing a ton in my pocket. I didn’t mean to hurt Lara by proposing to another girl on our anniversary, I just couldn’t hide the ring anymore. Regardless, I was too weak to face her with the truth, so I took the cowardly option by posting pictures of Temilade and I vacationing in Paris all over facebook. I flooded my timeline with pictures of me proposing to Temilade and I went further by using a picture of us kissing as my profile picture. Temilade and I spent 2 more weeks (to make 3 in total) in the romantic French country before returning home.

When I got home, my key was in the lock and I didn’t have to be told that Lara had packed her personal belongings. I felt really bad, but relieved at the same time. “At least there wasn’t going to be a physical confrontation”… I said to myself. How would I look into her eyes and tell her I didn’t mean to hurt her, that I just found someone better? I kept on with my wedding plans, pretending like all was well. I did not call my ex (Lara), nor did I try to give her any explanations. I just didn’t know what to say to her. I knew I had wronged her but I kept justifying my actions by reminding myself that one must be selfish when it comes to matters of the heart. It is my own happiness that counts, isn’t it? The period between my proposal to Temilade and our proposed wedding date was less than six months. To say I was in a hurry is an understatement. I wanted my marriage to begin with me being a better person, and that included me giving my fiancée 100% fidelity. During these months, I really missed Lara. There was no weekend delicacies, no marathon sex to keep me sated, nothing.. Temilade insisted that until we had gotten married, she wasn’t doing the chores of a married woman.
The wedding was grand in all its glory. The cake, the décor, the food, the music, the wedding party…. Everything was superb. I couldn’t hide my joy that day. During the reception, I saw my ex briefly show up with a few of her friends.  The expression in her eyes showed disbelief, but it didn’t make me loose my cool. My heart was just filled with so much happiness. It was my day, and nobody was gonna take it away from me. Our honeymoon couldn’t begin soon enough, and we both were excited. We decided to go for special two weeks in the same place where I proposed marriage to her, and possibly tour neighboring European countries. It was heavenly, from the weather, to the food, and drinks, and the honeymoon suite in the hotel was fab! I felt I should begin exploring the city all over again, but all I really wanted was to finally touch my wife....