Or what else do you call a total and absolute delusion about the marriage institution? It really was once a paradise, until it turned sour.
I met this lady through a mutual friend while she was serving her country in Lagos state. She happened to also be an engineer and that captured me instantly, along with her packaged beauty of course. As at the time I met Temilade, I was in a relationship that had begun back in the university, and was on its way to our 10th year together as a couple. Naturally, every one (my parents included) had begun to do minor preparations for the wedding they were certain would come the following year between my girlfriend and I. Hell!, even I thought we would get married!. I just never gave it much thought, that is, until I met Temilade. Maybe it was due to the fact that she already took good care of me like a wife would, but I was never really bothered about asking her hand in marriage. Don’t misunderstand me please, I did love my girl, so much that I would do anything for her. She satisfied me with everything and anything I wanted. She would come on weekends to the house, clean up, do my laundry in the machine, cook my food, stock up the fridge, and of course satisfy me sexually. For some reason though, we men tend to take the ladies that stick with us for granted. I honestly never meant to hurt Lara, as she’d been with me through it all. I just took it too much for granted- her love for me.
Temilade came as a breath of fresh air. A piece of mint gum when you just had a bowl of palm oil yam porridge. She tantalized my senses and sent me into a disillusioned state. Was it her fault? NO! it was all mine. For some reason, my girlfriend of 10years was no longer good enough- not in the kitchen, not in bed, and absolutely not at events. All I could think about was Temilade, and how she would do it so much better. At this point, I had started to date Temilade by the side, but we could not spend as much time as I would have loved together. Also, Temiade was quite busy with work at her primary assignment and I was immensely proud of her. On the other hand, I did not know how to end things with Lara whom I have been with for 10 years, so I begun to throw subtle signs at her. I would flare up for no apparent reason, insult her, talk ill of her family, reject her food, purposely lock her out on some weekends and lie about it. In all this however, she was ever so patient. She did not retaliate, nor did she relent in her effort to please me. She would even apologize for what she didn’t do, pet me, feed me, and then make love to me. I know, I am guilty as charged!- I am but a man, and I have never been able to reject love making. Sometimes, it feels like she’s the only one that can make me feel like a man. Well, all that is before I met Temilade. Now all I think about, is how Temilade would do it better.
The weekend Temilade and I finally spent together was one of the best and most anticipated weekends of my life. We both had a getaway to the cattle ranch and lodged all weekend. We had so much fun, and it was like my fantasies came to life. When night came, Temilade explained to me that she was a virgin and did not wish to have sexual intercourse with a man until her wedding night. I was surprised. Really?! A 22 year old graduate that was still untouched in the century we are in? I was happy and excited to have met the perfect girl, forgetting that the girlfriend of 10 years was also once a virgin until she began to please me with everything, including her body. I began to fall more deeply in love with Temilade, if that was even possible. I started to think of a future with Temilade, that did not include any other girl. This undercover relationship continued for 6 more months with me taking brief weekend getaway trips with Temilade. A month after Temilade’s passing out from NYSC, I was able to get us both tourists visa to France. We travelled the week leading to my 10th year anniversary with Lara, with me telling her I had to travel for work. Temilade and I got to Paris, and had a vacation to remember. We toured the city, tasted the local dishes and learnt about the culture. On the midnight of my 10th anniversary with Lara, I proposed to Temilade. I proposed in the most romantic city, at a time when it felt just right, in a beautiful location , with a ring that had been weighing a ton in my pocket. I didn’t mean to hurt Lara by proposing to another girl on our anniversary, I just couldn’t hide the ring anymore. Regardless, I was too weak to face her with the truth, so I took the cowardly option by posting pictures of Temilade and I vacationing in Paris all over facebook. I flooded my timeline with pictures of me proposing to Temilade and I went further by using a picture of us kissing as my profile picture. Temilade and I spent 2 more weeks (to make 3 in total) in the romantic French country before returning home.
When I got home, my key was in the lock and I didn’t have to be told that Lara had packed her personal belongings. I felt really bad, but relieved at the same time. “At least there wasn’t going to be a physical confrontation”… I said to myself. How would I look into her eyes and tell her I didn’t mean to hurt her, that I just found someone better? I kept on with my wedding plans, pretending like all was well. I did not call my ex (Lara), nor did I try to give her any explanations. I just didn’t know what to say to her. I knew I had wronged her but I kept justifying my actions by reminding myself that one must be selfish when it comes to matters of the heart. It is my own happiness that counts, isn’t it? The period between my proposal to Temilade and our proposed wedding date was less than six months. To say I was in a hurry is an understatement. I wanted my marriage to begin with me being a better person, and that included me giving my fiancée 100% fidelity. During these months, I really missed Lara. There was no weekend delicacies, no marathon sex to keep me sated, nothing.. Temilade insisted that until we had gotten married, she wasn’t doing the chores of a married woman.
The wedding was grand in all its glory. The cake, the décor, the food, the music, the wedding party…. Everything was superb. I couldn’t hide my joy that day. During the reception, I saw my ex briefly show up with a few of her friends. The expression in her eyes showed disbelief, but it didn’t make me loose my cool. My heart was just filled with so much happiness. It was my day, and nobody was gonna take it away from me. Our honeymoon couldn’t begin soon enough, and we both were excited. We decided to go for special two weeks in the same place where I proposed marriage to her, and possibly tour neighboring European countries. It was heavenly, from the weather, to the food, and drinks, and the honeymoon suite in the hotel was fab! I felt I should begin exploring the city all over again, but all I really wanted was to finally touch my wife....