Friday 21 June 2013

My Perennial Bachelor

"Mr. Perennial Bachelor
---> This guy’s well-mannered, smart, attractive, witty, successful, and his kisses melt you like ice cream in July. You can’t believe that some woman haven’t walked him down the aisle long ago. Even if you approach him with caution, his charm and persistence probably will win you over. Then just when you start considering whether to take his name or hyphenate, he’ll peel out of the relationship faster than a NASCAR driver leaving skid marks on your heart.
How he’ll lure you in: Ask about his perpetual bachelorhood, and he’ll tell you he just hasn’t found Mrs. Right yet. The unspoken suggestion? You could be her. But dating Mr. Perennial Bachelor is a fool’s journey because there is no right woman and never will be. “Women always think, ‘I’ll be the one,’”  “But if no one has been right, you probably won’t be either.” 
Spot him before you’re hooked: He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family, which means he’s in no hurry to fully integrate you into his life. But the biggest giveaway is that his last significant relationship was back in college and every relationship since has lasted only a few months at most. Around the time you’re expecting your relationship to shift into serious, he’s putting it in reverse. “If a man hasn’t gotten married by the time he’s 50, he’s probably not going to.""


... That's the kind of man I met a few months ago. At first sight, he was charming, sweet, and had sugar-coated tongue. I later found out that he was successful, and about 14years older than I am. He played his cards well and executed his seduction with ease, so that I was way into him by the 2nd month of meeting him.
I keep saying I'm smart, and No man could deceive me but as my mother always say, "No one can be smarter than someone going out of his way to deceive him". All the vibes I received from this man's body language were all screaming 'positive'.
I am a 28yr old lady, and I'm obviously worried about marriage. In the past, I have gone out with 'douche-bags', jerks, gold diggers (not that I have any gold to be dug, but I have a good job and I end up taking care of their needs), liars, and cheats. I'm fast approaching the age where I'll start being regarded a 'spinster' in my family, and I was scared out of my mind. My fear, on the other hand, made me stagnant on a spot with the fear of going into pointless relationships and heartbreaks. Besides, it seemed like my admirers (aka toasters) reduced as i got older (i.e cross over from the age of 26 years and still single), so I'm not having much option or luck in the relationship department. It was at the point where I was about to give up on men, marriage and love altogether that I met Gbenga. Gbenga, like most older men, showed me how a true gentleman was expected to behave. He taught me that love existed in the heart of real men, and showed it to me. We had taken the relationship so fast and serious that everyone of our friends had begun to assume we would walk down the aisle. Gbenga spoiled me with expensive gifts and money from an early stage into the relationship. I was a little bothered initially, until my friends told me that he was just "investing in me". He was the real deal; rich, handsome, and loving?... I was in the clouds. The different occasions when I asked him about his single status, he gave a sweet perfect response- "I remained single because I was waiting for you." It is only natural that we start having sexual relations as we kept getting deeper, and he wasn't the "kinky lover" nor was he very demanding in bed. Everything was simply perfect! I couldn't believe my luck; after years of hurts and worthless relationships, the most amazing man just dropped on my laps and he's crazy about me. 

(to be continued)


Con amor

Thursday 13 June 2013

Perspectivez ...

I stare outside, seeing nothing.
The sky is a beauty to behold, but I see not its beauty tonight.
There are no stars out this night... Or is it "this morning"?
The absence of the moon also makes the sky look so gloomy.
I stare and get engulfed, not in its beauty, but in the misery it portrays.
The dark depths of the clouds reel me in and I feel like they're trying to share their secrets.
Every night, i had always admired the sky and I call them "nature's most beautiful gifts".
Tonight though, I see something else.
Tonight, I just stare...
Patiently waiting for something to happen
Finally, and as if by a miracle, something was formed in the night cloud.
I could barely see it, and had I not been concentrating hard, would have missed it.
I paid closer attention and it felt like I could see farther into the sky.
It was getting darker, stranger and it felt like a whole new world...
It was then I saw myself, or does she just look awfully a lot like me?..
I saw my life through another's eyes..
I saw how little I was, and how happy I was with all the love showered on me...
I saw how I grew a little older, maybe 5 or 6, and how the light in my eyes gradually dimmed...
I saw my mother, doing all she could to protect her little girl...
I saw myself older at the age of 10, when there was no longer smiles on my lips and the laughter in my heart had long died...
I saw the moments my mother stayed awake by my side just to make sure I was comfortable...
I saw the way I told my father as an 11year old, that I never wanted to celebrate another birthday again. I had no idea I may have hurt him with that statement...
I saw my futile attempts to be like other kids, and I saw me loosing myself deeper into misery with each failed attempt (and there was many)...
I saw how I worked hard at trying to please my father, just to get that pat on the head...
I recall the moment I gave up on my ability to work hard for "the pat"...
I saw how I was pushed into a state of depression when compared to my sister...
I saw just how much my sister adored me, and try to be like me...
I saw how hostile I was to myself and everyone around me, keeping them at arms length...
I remember the day I vowed to never shed a tear again, after showing "weakness" for being in pains...
I saw how I became untrusting from a young age...
I saw the young girl that prayed daily for the pains to stop...
I saw the bleakness in my eyes when I concluded that the Lord had forsaken me...
I saw the moment I gave up on hope, and almost prayed for death...
I remember giving up on love, and thinking I had no future...
I saw what a terrible friend I was, uncaring and self-centred...
I saw the day I shed my first real tear...
I relived the moment a ray of light entered my heart...
I smiled at the day I was given a second chance, and a reason to hope for the future...
I saw the confusion in my eyes, because I was late in making "future plans"...
I saw the way my father came to the rescue, silently acknowledging his understanding and love for me...
I see how I've continued trying to please my father, just to hear him say he is "proud" of me...
I see the way I have been trying so hard to feel like I felt at that tender age of 3; with a radiant smile on my lips, the brightest light in my eyes, and laughter in my heart...
I see how I've been desperately trying to have back the love that was showered on me years ago, which I refused due to sadness...
I see me struggling to leave behind misery and sadness to no avail...
I see me not knowing which direction to go...
I see me getting frustrated because nothing works out the way I intend...
I realise just how irresponsible I've been, caught up in my webb of childishness...
I see me trying it all the wrong ways...

... I opened my eyes to the bright sun on my face. It's morning already, and I have no idea how to keep myself busy today... I get ready for the unknown with one thought running through my mind, "Thank God I was dreaming".



Con amor