Saturday, 31 October 2015

L. I. A. R.

I'm a liar.

I slumped on the couch as I finally told myself the truth. I am a pathetic pathological liar, and its catching up with me.  I lie about any and everything these days, and I can't seem to stop.

It actually started some years ago when I did something wrong and lied about it. Ever since, I haven't been able to stop lying. I lied when my beau first asked me out. I lied about a lot of things while getting to know him. I didn't think I was wrong initially, afterall I was only trying to elevate myself in d presence of a "big boy". His father was then, the Nigerian Ambassador to the United States of America. I, however am the daughter of two traders. It's not like my family was poverty striken, no we weren't. We had enough to eat and lived a fairly comfortable life. Even though my parents had to struggle to feed us and still give us (2 children) a good education, we were quite happy. At least we weren't begging, we would always say in a bid to be optimistic. I loved my life, and felt somewhat content with it, until I met Bidemi. Abidemi was every woman's dream, he was my dream come true. Initially, I didn't understand what the fuss was about in the girls hostel when he made an appearance but after see how amazing he looked, and heard of his wealthy background, I fell in love. I never tried to get his attention at first. This is a wealthy guy, he wouldn't even take notice of me. I was so sure he would only date models and "big girls".

On a faithful Friday that I will never forget even if I tried hard enough, I met him. I actually met THE Abidemi physically and he spoke to me. I was in the canteen, alone as usual when he came in with another friend of his. He was so polite, asked if they could share my table with me. Of course I could only say "yes", through the whole 2 minutes!. After about another 10 minutes, he asked my name- I was so scared, and told him the first attractive name that came to mind- Sharon. Sharon?! I am Omosalewa Adetoun. What the hell did I just do? I quickly shoved that thought aside as Bidemi commented on my name. "Beautiful name for a princess", he had said. We shared contacts, and I just couldn't believe my luck! The most sort after guy had just shown interest in me, or had he?. To say I was on the moon, would have been an understatement.

Three years later, we were together and going strong. By this time I had lied about my name, my family, my friends. In short, everything Bidemi knew about me had been a lie. I thought I was doing it for the greater good, if only I had known it would haunt me.
Bidemi took me home to his family. His father was now an Honourable Minister of the country. I was so excited! I could truly say he was in love with me, although not as much as I was smitten with him. I practically worshipped him!. Bidemi proposed to me at my graduation party. It was my every dream come true. Until, of course we started planning the wedding. I had lied that my parents lived in Mexico but had brought me to Nigeria to live with an aunt. And I had lied that my aunt's family was struggling because of her husband's pride to get help from my family. Bidemi was more than ready to go to Mexico just to meet my family, and invite them to our wedding. Bidemi's parents, although rich, were as cultured as anyone could be. They insisted that they had to meet my family first, as a means of introduction, before deciding on an actual date for our wedding. They too were either ready to go to Mexico, or await my parents arrival in Nigeria. I knew Bidemi loved me very much, and his mother adored me. What I didn't know was whether they both loved me for the person I am, or for the person I lied to be.

I have contemplated many things to get out of my predicament. Pray for a plane crash to occur and lie my parents were in the plane, or come clean and tell the only man I have ever loved that everything he thought he knew about me, was a lie! None seemed appealing to do. So, I'm starting to think I should just run away. Cut my losses, and go somewhere it's difficult to locate me. I'm thinking the north, or maybe the east. Wherever life takes me, I sincerely hope you find true happiness in the arms of a more deserving lady.
I am extremely sorry that I could only leave a letter to say goodbye, but do find it in your heart to forgive me. Believe me that I decided I had to save you from me. If I didn't leave, the lies would never stop. The bag delivered with this letter contains every gift you've ever given me, including my engagement ring.

I love you always...

Omosalewa Adetoun,
Your Beloved.

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Self Worth!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted any topic for awhile, its been a crazy month. Between work, making sure I remain healthy, starting and sustaining my businesses, making money one way or another, trying to look beautiful in a different way, staying calm amidst family drama, trying hard to ignore all talks of marriage by the family, and chasing off guys! Whew*, what a month it has been!.

Regardless of how long it's been though, you all know that when I have something in mind, I just have to express it. I remember I was in the kitchen making dinner the night I heard about the 'educated female doctor' who died and whose husband was suspected to have been involved in her death. I stared blankly at the television set wondering if I had heard the news right; I mean, this is a matured, educated DOCTOR married to another educated DOCTOR and this sorta thing happens? Even if it is just an hypothesis that he was involved in her death, I know there is never a flame without fire. If he hadn't been abusing his wife physically, mentally or emotionally, then nobody would think that he must have killed his wife.

I must be a sorry excuse for an activist, but I still believe that the little things go a long way. Please, let's educate ourselves- especially the younger generation. It is NEVER cool to hit a woman, no matter the circumstances; and it definitely IS NOT your duty to remain in an abusive relationship. Nobody says you have to remain with a man if he abuses you in any way, in fact I would never advice it. Do we have to introduce "behavioural studies" in school to learn how to treat our women? And do the women need more sense before learning when to walk out of a relationship? We really need to teach our daughters about self worth and love. If you appreciate yourself and are proud to be a woman, then you do not need a man to survive in this world. You should never ever tolerate an abusive man in your life. Understand that abusive men are the wife murderers we hear of today. You cannot change a man, and if he has ever abused you in one way or the other, it will never stop. An abuser, when provoked can shorten your life in a minute.

Now, how does an educated man get to the point of murdering his educated wife and why did the educated woman (with a good job) not leave earlier before it lead to her demise?
An abusive man can only pretend for so long. If he's abusive, you'll see it early in the relationship- most likely by the 6th month. If he's a really good actor, you'll catch a glimpse of at least the verbal abuse by the 8th month. If you are not trying to deceive yourself, then you cannot miss it. An abusive man is an abusive man, plain and simple. Don't make things complicated by trying to convince yourself that verbal abuse is vastly different from physical abuse. It's not very different, and verbal abuse usually ends up becoming physical. If a man lacks the sense to encourage his woman to be great, or try to make her successfully independent to depend on no one, then I do not see the point of being with that man. A man that diminishes his woman's self worth and crushes her confidence in herself is abusive, and does not deserve any woman in his life. If as a woman, you are confident and know your worth, you would never give room for an abusive relationship. It's not just about being educated any more, as even our literate girls are falling victim of abusive relationships, it's now about principle, self worth, self love, and confidence. Our society has embraced abuse for far too long and it's taking more lives daily. Let us educate ourselves in what little way we can. Is it really worth it sticking with a man when he has psychological issues and believes in physically hitting a woman he weighs double her size? I don't think it is, but I am only one person.

Let's teach our daughters that they can become whatever they want in life without depending on a man to achieve it. And lets teach our boys that women are meant to fly, and if they are lucky enough to find a successful woman with self love, they should make themselves worthy of her attention.

Con amor

Saturday, 10 October 2015

plea for help

For a few months now, I could not write. Not that I lost my words or the passion I have for writing, but I just found myself without the zeal to write. Anything! I've been killing myself slowly with worry on the direction my life is taking.

My life is a combination of jumbled mess. I fail in every thing I do, I fail in my thoughts, I fail in my passions, and I even fail in my own talents. I'm not trying to sound pitiful as some automatically assume, I'm just telling myself the truth. I have lied through my teeth, pretending to be 'doing just fine', when in reality I'm actually messed up. Another thing I fail in, is my religion. I fail in my relationship with God, and I did not want to confront it until now. I have disappointed my Lord over and over again without thinking of how I may have been hurting him. I have ignored my creator just because things weren't going in a way I wanted it to.

A wake up call geared me into remorse, that came in the form of my own sister that I love more than myself, my friend who I can actually count on, and my favourite TV show. If the Lord isn't trying to tell me something with all these, then I don't know how else he could reach out to me.  He loves me so much that he's been trying to lead me from my path of self destruct and I've just been too stubborn to take a breath and heed him.
I am sorry oh Lord! and if I could say it in every language in the world, I would. I have recognized my wrong, and I'm willing to come back to you. Lead me aright Lord; Help me cultivate a lifetime bond with you; Teach me how to do right by you; Forgive my trespasses; and love me unconditionally as you have done all my life!

..... Don't give up on your daughter now Ya Allah; Don't give up on me. Please!