Equality...

Seriously, if being a girlfriend means being treated like you're not worth respecting...Then what the fuck are you still doing in that relationship wen you can be treated like a queen in another man's arms?

Lets take a look around us. We all have those kinda friends; who have been jilted over and over and over again by the same man! Not like they were stupid, they were simply "in love"... And the rest of us on the sideline, just waiting to console them again swear every time that we would never make such mistakes. But, we have boyfriends that keep hurting us and we keep giving them second chances.
Like, what's the difference???
I've seen and heard about a lot of women taking so much crap in a relationship, and i still wonder why. Do they think there ain't guys who could love them out there? Or is it just the love. I know the African mentality, has been a precursor for how most ladies are treated by men in this part of the world. The tradition, and religious beliefs are so strict that you think twice before going against a man. Tradition, i can comprehend. It's their culture. But religion? I sometimes wonder where some men of God get their sermon from, or maybe they just decide to translate the holy books in whichever way they desire. When they say in the beginning God created man, and woman as his companion. I don't have a lot of degrees, but i think that clarifies the issue of equal right on it's own.
Here's the thing; I can still accept a "not so equal right in a marriage", and wen i say that i mean a 60-40 right. What i can not stand is not having an equal right in a relationship! I've heard stories about ladies being beaten by their 'boyfriends', and then f***ed after it all. You can imagine what these ladies will go through if they got married to animals like that. Most of them will live in fear of being beaten for the rest of their lives. But why stick with such bullshit in the first place, is what i can't comprehend. You two have been dating and he's showing signs that you can't live with, don't bother sticking around in hopes that he'll change.... LEAVE immediately!
If you don't have a voice at the start of a relationship, then you'll be a faint voice in that relationship forever. I know that some ladies believe that if you leave the devil you are with, how are you sure the angel you'll meet won't be worse than that. And in honesty, you can never be sure but i say try again. "Ohh, there's a scarcity of the good men...."blah blah blah bullshit. From the few, you shall find your own! It's your choice that's making it scarce. Look beyond religion, colour, tribe and you'll realize you have a better chance at happiness.
We also have some ladies that can't even say how they want to be treated in bed! If the man mishandles them, they just take the pain like that. In fact, this happens to most women. Scared to voice your desires, so you won't be labeled a 'slut'. They just go through the horrible experience to make babies, and as soon as babies come they stop. Thereby, driving their husbands outside to the so called 'sluts'. A lot of women have lost their sexual drives in this manner and i think it unfair that a partner can not encourage his woman to express herself. Being a man is not dominating a woman in every way; it's being responsible and at the same time, passionate! The fact that your wife is not allowed to say if she's horny or not, does not mean you're powerful. It means you lack what it takes to be a husband!!

I do not encourage disrespect, but i definitely encourage mutual respect. You need to respect me enough to get my opinion, not just make decisions for me like I'm a baby or invalid. Mutual respect is calling your partner that you cannot make an appointment, not assuming he or she is supposed to know. When there's mutual respect, there's understanding; and where there's understanding, there's trust. Where there's all these, tell me how there won't be love? We need to see marriage beyond adding to the populace, and fulfilling family responsibility. We need to see marriage beyond a way to get a new surname!!!


Con amor

The Lady In My Dreams....

The other day at the station, i saw her. I saw her again, the lady that has been hunting my dreams. She was standing so close to the glass, you would think she was a reflection. She looked right back at me; i could feel her eyes on me. It was almost midnight, and i was tired but i wanted to see her clearly: to ask her why she hunted my dreams so! I looked straight at her now; she was using a big sunglasses that covered most of her face, her nose was quite small, and her lips... Oh my, her lips were the finest set i had ever come across. They were coloured in a dark shade of red that made them look too perfect. I had to compliment her on the right choice of lipstick, it suits her! I moved closer to d object of my dreams, through the crowd; she was watching me, i knew it. I finally made out her outfit: She looked sexy in d blue sundress she had on, and a gorgeous set of 6 inches; i will comment on that too when i get to her. She shouldn't be wearing such dress at night, it was too cool and those heels are risky. I looked her over once more, she looked nothing like i had imagined her body to be.... She looked perfect, and her figure could make any man (or woman) sin. I was almost with her when she suddenly turned her back to me, and moved away as if leaving the station. I was surprised: was she not here to board the train? why is she leaving? has she come for me again? Did she want me to follow?. A million tins where running through my mind as i watched her leave. I had to decide fast! I heard the train i ad been waiting for arrive, and i saw her moving closer to the exit. She looked back at me, and smiled. That smile seemed to awaken something inside me, and i made my choice then. I ran after her, to catch up with her. I did not want to loose her again...

Again, reminded me of the first time i saw her. It was at the mall, and i had gone there to shop a few weeks ago. She was way ahead of me when i caught sight of her, but i knew instantly. I had the feeling that she was there for me, i could feel it inside. It was like she was communicating with my insides somehow. It was almost like she had a control over me that day, i could not control myself. I just hurried my steps to catch up with her. All i wanted to do was introduce myself. I just wanted to see and not feel her; i wanted to say hi! She walked briskly ahead, oblivious that someone was following her. I tried to keep up with her but there were too many people at the mall,  I could only make out her head, and it gave me a good direction. I bumped into a lady that was carrying alotta of bags and that's how i lost her.

We had exited the station now, so i tried to walk normally. I would follow her till she stopped somewhere, i said to myself. I would then have a long chat with her before going home to bed! We moved on a bit through some streets i had never been. She headed towards a group at the far end, and i became scared. What if they hurt me? What if they kill me?. I looked up and realized she was there: she laughed so loudly, i could swear i had heard the laughter before. She collected drinks from them, and cigars... I decided it wasn't worth it, and was just about to turn back when she looked at me again and smiled. This time, she winked at me. I could not go back after that! I had to get to her and tell her all the things i had intended; tell her how bad drinking and smoking is on the health. She had packed her drinks in a pack and as she carried it up, she crossed the street and moved on. I discarded all thoughts of leaving: it wasnt an option anymore! We had walked a few more blocks when she dumped her package in a trash can, without even looking back to acknowledge it. When i peeped in the can, i saw all the alcohol and cigarettes she had collected from the gang back there. I became curious: why had she thrown them away? where they not her friends? why did she collect them in the first place? why did she stop to laugh with them? where is she headed to?. But these questions just made me want to talk to her more!

It felt like an eternity that we had been walking, and i'm totally sure i'm lost. I dismissed that thought; i would find my way eventually but i had to speak with this lady first. She must get tired of walking sometime! Next, she took us to a playground in a very peaceful neighborhood. There was nobody around, and she just sat on the swing. I was overjoyed, thinking this was my chance to speak with her. I moved closer to her, very cautiously as to not scare her away and i heard it. I heard the sound of her tears. She was crying... Her head was bended over her hands, and she was wailing. In darkness, with no one to comfort her! I was taken aback; wat could have aroused her tears? why would she come to a private place to cry? what did the playground mean to her? I sat quietly beside her, wanting to comfort her; But i couldnt bring myself to. I decided that i would sit there until she had stopped crying, and i would look into her eyes and talk with her!

Her eyes! I never noticed them, i had no idea if it was blue or green. Infact, i was just taking note of her hair: she had beautiful black hair. I imagined touching it, and letting it glide through my fingers. I knew it would feel silky. I rested my back on the swing and i realised i was exhausted. I should have gone home when i had the chance, i thought. But as i heard her cry again, i knew i was lucky to be here with her in such a private ritual. But God! I was dying to know what reason she had for crying. She seem so perfect, with a flawless smile, that i could not imagine an angel such as her would cry.
That was my last thought as fatigue took over my senses and i drifted off.......

I could have sworn i heard my name...
I jerked awake, and almost lost balance on the swing. I looked all around me, the sun was just rising. I looked at her, standing there looking up at the sun and i felt happy. She had not left me alone there, she had stayed while i slept. Just then, she looked at me as if accusing me of something. I finally had the chance to see her, really look at her! I didnt take a pause to think of what i could have done to hurt such beauty. I just wanted to see her eyes, i wanted to look into those eyes finally, to see what they see, to look in their depth, i wanted to know what colour they were, i wanted to tell her the things i said i would. I moved closer, as if to touch her and stared back at her. Her eyes, the eyes i wanted to so much look at had no color... They were bleak. I was taken aback; how couldn't i have noticed this since last night? even her glorious smile could not hide that... She looked like she had so much to say, so much to tell me. But she just smiled, urging me to look deeper, to search deeper. I looked, and almost drowned myself in her gaze. I was about to tell her it was of no use, when something caught my attention; something so familiar. I knew those eyes, i continued searching her eyes like they had the answers. And then, i stopped seaching. I stood there shocked, unable to utter a word. I had figured it out, i didn't even need to see her eyes. The eyes i spent an entire night chasing after, that i was looking into; the bleak eyes,....
.....were mine


Con amor

Regrets...

If i'm ever gonna write a memoir, I'll make sure it ends wit- I've had no regrets...
At least, i tell myself that a lot. Maybe one day I'll believe it but frankly, I'd be deceiving myself. Seriously, we'd all be deceiving ourselves if we claim to have had no regrets at all. In all aspects of our daily lives, we all make mistakes. Some, daily while others, yearly; but we still do.
Looking back now at some choices/mistakes i might have regretted making, i realise that they may be choices i would gladly make all over again given a second chance;
Like when i attempted my first suicide. I was quite young, but I had had more pains than kids my age, and less fun (not to talk of friends). I can only associate my action then, with depression. A kid, depressed? Well, u can give me your explanation, if you've got any! Anyway, i would probably make the mistake again if i had to replay it. This day helped me a lot, at least in the emotional department. I was finally able to detach myself from my body each time i fell ill, thereby feeling less or no pain. It was almost like i stood outside my own body watching, until it was over. In short, that day taught me to be strong and i learnt well.
Another example is my first relationship. I never loved the guy, i never even wanted to date him. Twas just that he pestered me so much that i gave in at some point (i.e. pity). The relationship didn't turn out bad, in fact it was amazing. Only problem was; we were more of friends than lovers. We should never have dated, we should have just remained friends. We had a very promising friendship between us, and i already made him my best male friend. As soon as i decided to call off d relationship, it was all over. I lost a great friend with a pretend relationship. Think about it: If i had to rewind time, i would have made this same mistake. If i had chosen to turn him out and refuse him, he would have probably left (especially after 4 long months of pestering) and i wouldn't have had the chance to be his friend.
The third example I'll point out, is the first time i had sex. Now, that's a major choice, which led to a terrible mistake and thus, a huge regret. The timing was wrong, so was the where. My attitude towards it was wrong, in short everything about it was totally wrong (so not how i dreamt). The only good thing that i could draw from that was the fact that i loved the guy ( at least, i thought i did). Turned out it was just all my imagination playing a fast one on me. Well, if i had to redo that.. I think i might have done it all over again at that wrong time, and wrong place, and with that wrong attitude.

In summary, some of the things we consider mistakes might not actually be if we look at them properly. Imagine that event and if you had to choose again. What will influence your decision? Maybe you were meant to make that mistake in the first place. Maybe that's what was meant to define you, to make you who you are today...


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Disstabilized

If you dunno how lucky we are in this generation, you've gotta take a step back and have a closer look at your life. We are so lucky, we don't have to think so hard before doing things daily. Some of us don't even make regular use of our brains. What with all these technologies? Who's gonna bother?. I admit I'm one of the new technology fans and my favorites are the smart phones. Oh boy, and smart they are... Do you have any idea what a phone can do for you now? Like basically, it makes your work easier. And the bad (or good, depending on how you see it) thing is that you totally get dependent on them without even realizing it.
Recently, i lost my blackberry while at a cinema with my sis and uncle and after a few hours, it still hadn't dawned on me that my bb was gone. Why should it? i was having so much fun, laughing as hard as i could, gisting, eating, and checking out girls (that was for my uncle please, am totally straight). I didn't get the feeling of being *blackberryless* until the next morning when i reached out towards my pillow and it wasn't there. Oops, that was like waking up to a bucket of iced water poured on me. Only took me a couple of minutes to get my thoughts together, and i made it through that day without hanging. But damn! after that day, i felt like hanging... It dawned well well, and just kept on hurting with each passing moment. Seeing my Dad's bb, as good as useless in his hand; then my sis always pinging; i felt like the world was unfair! It was during this time that someone would tell me about this awesome site, or some link i gotta check out, or some app i had to download on my phone: soon as i reach for my bb, i remember all over again. As in, it felt like everyone was mocking me. Worst part was my lovely music collection that i lost. I had intended to back up my files when we got home that very day.
In summary, i spent more than two whole weeks being "blackberryless" and it wasn't funny. Those 2 weeks were not the most terrible days, but they were definitely stressing. It just felt like a part of me got misplaced with the damn phone! I just shut down, figuratively. But seriously, think about it! How the hell, have we coped before the arrival of smart phones, and laptops, and ipads? How have we been able to do anything? Cause i know exactly how i felt without my phone o... almost useless. Thing is; it wasn't like i missed pinging, NO! But i just wanted to have it back, to hold it again, to put down my thoughts, to send emails, receive alerts and facebook notifications & twitter mentions, n calender reminders. I just missed having my portable, carry on internet surfer..


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