Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Beyond the surface

I define the state of unhappiness!

I'm deeply discontent with the path my life is taking, and worse still, I'm doing nothing about it. I could lie to myself over and over again that I have no choice in the matter, or that all I have to do is wait but that won't solve anything. I know my happiness is in my own hands, and I have some idea on what to do to @least approach the happy state. I just don't know how and when to start putting the ideas into action!
So maybe I'm used to being unhappy, or I'm just used to pretending I'm happy. Either ways, finding happiness is a foreign feeling to me. I've had the misconception that my happiness laid in a man's hands, or that I needed a man to love me to make me happy!. How wrong I was! I guess that was just another part of me lying to myself.

How many of us seek happiness in the wrong places, and just stay there lying to ourselves simply because we don't wanna go back and start again? I know I've been doing dat for almost 3years now! Self denial, self pity, self loathe, loneliness, frustration and uncertainty are the emotions I have locked deep within and I've refused to let go. It's all my fault, nobody else's. I've allowed myself to wallow in so much sorrow, that I couldn't recognise the difference anymore. I started mistaking sadness for loneliness. YES I admit it now! I was lonely, I am lonely and sad. I could not differentiate between them.

It's time for a wake up call, and I'm finally determined to be happy with or without anyone by my side (actually, I prefer without!). I intend to love myself once again, and really be content. After my quest for happiness is fulfilled, I can tackle the issue of loneliness!

If I don't do this for those who care about me, I at least need to do it for myself!..

Con amor
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So, valentine's over and a lotta heart breaks trailing behind it...

I hope ya'll had a fun february 14th, cause mine was BORING!.. It probably had something to do with my single status more than my disinterest in the day, but it was still very much dry. I've always seen the whole celebration as "way over board", and why won't I?

Going to work in the morning from home, I couldn't count the number of reds' and whites' I saw! Even old market women wore red and white. That's to point just how popular "valentine's day" is. Okay seriously, I understand how red was chosen to represent the day (courtesy of the colour of the heart), but how did white make it on d chart?

Anyway, my point is; After spending lots of money (in dis economic state of the country o) on meals, gifts, and of course fuel (on top subsidy removal). Exactly what has been the gain?

Okay!, maybe I'm just saying all these because I had no one to spend it with but deep down, I still can't fathom why anyone would want to throw around so much money without a care. The money could have served more purpose to you if invested, and would have put smiles on lots of children's faces if donated to an orphanage!

What happened to valentine cards, with fake roses on it? What happened to composing love poems or letters on valentine? What the heck happened to just sending text messages?

Well, I should probably inform #myfuturehubby formally now that we must never waste money on such occasions if it ain't our anniversary. Any affection or love you can't show on a normal day should stay buried in you on "valentine's day".

Con amor
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Sunday, 12 February 2012

Truths & Confessions...

Which of the health issues in the world is most terrible?...
I've tried to find an answer to that but as soon as I decide on one, another one props up! There's so many health problems that there are some you will never know about until you come across it. Let's even forget about the big medical termed ones, and take examples from the most common ones. Sickle cell anaemia is the most common in this part of the world, and the thing about it is they have periodic crisis (pain in the joints), and some are unlucky to have other pains but as soon as they're rehydrated, that's about it! Another common health issue is asthma, and the problem with them is that they sometimes have attacks (shortness of breath, chest tightness, n coughing). The unlucky ones die during the attack as a result of lack of oxygen for too long. The 3rd example is; epilepsy... I dunno how this became a medical condition, but I know it can be embarrassing. Having seizures for long (sometimes in public), most of dem can't go to the market, or parties because noise or crowd triggers their seizures. Reading has also been claimed to trigger seizures in epileptic patients. Other common examples are cancer, HIV! Do I have to describe how terrible those are?
Well, my point is; Sickle cell anaemia is one of the mildest health disorders. So, why do some people treat them like they aren't human??! If you notice, none of the ailments I mentioned has a particular known cure (if it had, everyone would be healthy). They only have suppressants! And nowadays, most sicklers don't even look sick.. They're as chubby as their AA genotyped mates are, and some are even more beautiful!

So, that makes me wonder why sicklers usually don't talk about their health issues, until it's either too late or when they're free from it (yes, they can be!); especially the ones that look it! I've heard of cases where female sicklers get married without letting their spouse know what they're getting into, simply because they're afraid of being judged or rejected. In any case, they also directly or indirectly reject their spouse the opportunity to choose; an option to stay or go..

Well, I beg to differ!
I've always been proud of who I am, and that includes everything that makes me, ME! I have never hid myself from people, just because of what they might think; what they think doesn't really matter anyway. It's what the people I love thinks that matters!
I am a beautiful, young, talented, endowed (in all ramifications) sickler! And I'm proud of it!
I do everything my friends do, while knowing my limits. I don't consider myself a lesser woman, just because I have an health issue. Infact, I think it makes me a better person, and a stronger woman.
I choose to give a man the option to stay or to go. If he's a real man, he will Ƃ able to handle it without thinking twice. Only boys get scared of Sickle cell disease. It's not like the "healthy" ones don't die, and it's not like they don't have other issues.
So, I say this; If I can accept YOU for your flaws (and we all have some), then you have no reason not to accept mine. I deserve so much more than a having a coward for a partner!

Con amor