I define the state of unhappiness!
I'm deeply discontent with the path my life is taking, and worse still, I'm doing nothing about it. I could lie to myself over and over again that I have no choice in the matter, or that all I have to do is wait but that won't solve anything. I know my happiness is in my own hands, and I have some idea on what to do to @least approach the happy state. I just don't know how and when to start putting the ideas into action!
So maybe I'm used to being unhappy, or I'm just used to pretending I'm happy. Either ways, finding happiness is a foreign feeling to me. I've had the misconception that my happiness laid in a man's hands, or that I needed a man to love me to make me happy!. How wrong I was! I guess that was just another part of me lying to myself.
How many of us seek happiness in the wrong places, and just stay there lying to ourselves simply because we don't wanna go back and start again? I know I've been doing dat for almost 3years now! Self denial, self pity, self loathe, loneliness, frustration and uncertainty are the emotions I have locked deep within and I've refused to let go. It's all my fault, nobody else's. I've allowed myself to wallow in so much sorrow, that I couldn't recognise the difference anymore. I started mistaking sadness for loneliness. YES I admit it now! I was lonely, I am lonely and sad. I could not differentiate between them.
It's time for a wake up call, and I'm finally determined to be happy with or without anyone by my side (actually, I prefer without!). I intend to love myself once again, and really be content. After my quest for happiness is fulfilled, I can tackle the issue of loneliness!
If I don't do this for those who care about me, I at least need to do it for myself!..
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