Wednesday, 3 August 2016

(not) My Business...

I have always wondered why some ladies like to act somewhat stupid- or at least they put up a good show at being stupid.
Recently I had a conversation with an old friend and of course we talked about our relationships. I was very happy to hear she was seeing a guy seriously and he wasn't even living in this country. He lives somewhere in Europe, has a good job, and loves her. What more could she ask for? So comes the question, why then haven't you 2 gotten married? Your 30th birthday was a couple of months ago and he is yet to propose. It is at this point that she thought it wise to open up to me.
Apparently the man she's dating is currently in a confused state. According to her, he does love her and really wants to spend his life with her but he's having some issues to sort through. I don't mean to seem like a pessimist but I had to ask the obvious; how do you know all this? Are you saying this because you want it to be true or because he told you so? He can't make a decision if to be with her or to stick with another lady for the sake of his child.- Lanre is a yoruba guy that made 'a mistake' at a young age. He impregnated a girl and the girl gave birth to a baby boy-. "She tried to hook him with a pregnancy!!" - So, his first child with another woman is about 6 years of age now. Lanre is an active father in the child's life, his baby mama is still single because she spends her time taking care of his kid, and he loves/wants to marry you-. Am I the only one who thinks this sounds wrong?! Honestly if Lanre was a responsible man and knew the meaning of condom, how would she tie him down?

I had to take a minute to calm myself at this point. Then I asked, "how old is the baby mama?" Baby mama is 32years (age mate with Lanre), and she's still single. "Are you certain she isn't waiting for her baby daddy to come for her and the kid?" No ooo, there is nothing between the girl and Lanre again. They are done!. "But how sure are you of this?" Lanre told me so the last time I asked him about their child on Skype. Besides, I'm praying a lot about it and I know Lanre will marry me soon.
I could no longer hold my outburst in check. He told you over Skype??? You have never met any member of his family in the 2 years you have been 'dating'. I know its good to pray for good results, but I had to ask. Is it the baby mama's fault that your man didn't use the condoms he should have? Is it the baby mama's desire to take care of a man's child for the rest of her life while other men must be avoiding to marry her because of that same liability? Do you think the baby mama doesn't pray harder than you for God to do his will in her life? Have you ever wondered about the child? If the child prays every night for his parents to marry so he can stop being bullied in school? I am not trying to be an advocate for the baby mama since I do not know her, but why do we like to behave as if others don't matter when it comes to what we want. I remember when my friend had a child in school and the guy said he had fallen in love with another girl on campus. We (yea, that includes me) all cursed this guy on various degrees. What he was doing was unfair. Going to her parents house to say you're the baby daddy is not your only responsibility. We all know that the society we live in frowns at having kids out of wedlock, but the taint is solely on the lady.
My question is, does it mean that I am not supposed to care what happens to another lady who's being wronged just because I want to get married?!
From the other lady's (baby mama) point of view, she had a child for the man she fell for 7 years ago. We can safely assume that they both decided to keep the pregnancy and Lanre must have promised to stand by her. It's a pain being a university student already but its worse when you have to study through the problems of pregnancy. Also consider the typical Nigerian parents who will give you hell naturally for being pregnant without marriage. I can imagine how difficult it was for the poor girl. Somehow, things changed: Lanre travelled abroad, reconnects with an old secondary school mate and starts to date her without any promises. Let me mention that according to my friend, she's not the first lady Lanre is dating since his baby mama. He's dated many more. I saw the anger in my friend's eyes at what she thinks is me 'not being in support of her.' So I let the issue go, but I want to use this medium to ask her the questions I should have that day.
Can you pray yourself to be in that situation? Being a single 32 year old mother whose baby daddy is confused about becoming a family because another lady is involved?. Have you even thought about the repercussion of being with that kind of man? Whether you like it or not he has a family with the baby mama, even if it ain't legal. He will always take care of her, visit her, call her and sometimes go on vacation with her because he has a child with her. A child he must love.
Then again, it's not really my business is it?.