Monday, 18 March 2013


.....As I lay there, with my eyes tightly shut, I stopped hearing their grunts, It seemed I had totally blocked out their laughter. I could no longer watch, I just felt like dying... "End this ordeal", I said in a silent prayer to God as more tears washed down my face. If anyone had told me this would be happening to me, I would have said it a lie, but here I am, with 5 men taking their turns to have sexual satisfaction at my expense... At the expense of my pain, at the expense of my tears, at the expense of my bitterness... How could I ever get this memory off? How could I be sane again?...
For a brief moment again, I became aware of the pain igniting like fire between my thighs... The one on me currently was smiling down at me, saying things I didn't hear... He had slapped me to get my attention. The pain is getting unbearable, and I started praying that I don't survive this torture when he finally made a loud grunt and stood up. It was such a relief! Painful, but still a relief... I could feel the liquid gushing between my thighs and I knew I was bleeding even before I heard one of them say it. The fourth man was already naked and had jumped on me... He didn't listen to his friend that noticed the blood, or maybe he just didn't care, I don't know.. I can't start to analyse how human minds work now... I felt a more powerful pain as he slid into me... Pain like I've never felt before... I knew for sure I was going to die before this was over... I had to die! He seemed to be more brutal than his friends, but what do I know?.. I couldn't even think... All that comes to mind amidst the pain and tears, is my family... I wonder how they would cope if (when) they knew the pain I was in before I died... How would my mother feel when they saw my corpse, violated... Would they even see my corpse?... I was hanging by the thread and knew not what plans these brutal men had in stock for my lifeless body... Yes, lifeless! That's an appropriate way to describe how I currently feel... I can barely move a muscle, and it feels like my soul has separated from my body.... I could swear I can see what was being done to me from outside my body...."Lord please if you're up there, make this stop!", I seem to scream in my head... No sound came from my lips, I was beyond shocked, and my pain had gone beyond tears... I felt invisible, like I was floating in the atmosphere and no one could see me. I just lay there and allowed them to do as they please; hoping, praying, that this ordeal would end soon... Praying they should get their satisfaction in a hurry and let me be... Hoping the Lord would hear my prayers and call me to him to rest! 

I had screamed so much, it felt like I had no voice anymore... I fought with all my strength, but I'm merely a 53kg lady against five grown men. At first, I had hoped that someone would hear me; I hoped somebody would come to rescue me; I actually believed a miraculous intervention would occur; but I was wrong! They beat me badly, although that didn't deter me from fighting. Then they held me down, tore my clothes, and started taking turns on me. The biggest man of them seemed like the ring leader and he went first. I had no idea how long he was on me for, but it took forever. I screamed, I cried, I pleaded with them to no avail. They just laughed, and touched me all over. I tried biting him but was given a slap that cut my lip. By the time he was finally done, I couldn't stop crying. I coiled up, trying to cover myself with the assumption that it was over. All I felt was shame; the shame of being tainted and I felt like being swallowed by the ground just imagining how I would ever face the world! Unfortunately, that became the least of my problems when the second man spread my legs again and laid on me. I kicked and struggled as hard as my body could allow, having just realised their intention to gang rape me! My efforts were futile, as they only beat me more and brutal this time. By the time the second man was done, I had stopped fighting... I lost every will to fight. I couldn't even sob anymore, and I was done pleading. I didn't make any sound, all I could was use what energy I had left to ignore the pain I was going through! I felt shallow, like my soul had been ripped from my body...

It seemed like I had been unconscious as I didn't even know when the fourth man got up, and the fifth laid on me... By the time I came to, the fifth man was just about done and he collapsed on me... I drifted off, sliding between consciousness and unconsciousness. I was bruised, and I felt dead. The feeling I didn't recognise actually seemed like peace. I felt some strange feeling of being at peace in my soul. I just didn't know if I was at peace with myself, my rapists, death or God!. I just continued to slide into unconsciousness thinking God had forsaken me! I prayed and waited for him to do something, for him to perform a miracle, to save me from this pain!

I unconsciously registered the men trying to get dressed and saying things...I may have smelt panic, but my senses seemed dead...The sound I heard was like a siren, but how could I be sure?... I could barely feel myself breath... Is that my heart?, or is someone playing a drum far away?... I was totally violated, but not dead! I realised this in my pool of blood and felt a twinge of hope.......
                                              ................. Blacks out......................

Con amor


  1. Beautiful post...well written. Sad we actually live a world like this still

    1. Thanks darling... Yes, its quite sad! We live in a world where women suffer, and get no justice especially in this part of the world!