Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Fear Of The Unknown.

When some things happen to me, especially the good things. I feel they seem too good to be true. There has to be some hidden agenda- Good things don't just happen to me, there must be a mistake or maybe I'm being pranked or maybe it's my imagination. With these in mind, I try very hard to avoid disappointments. Sadly, I end up being the hindrance in my own life; my own stumbling block. I realise that this has been going on in my subconscious for awhile now without me acknowledging it. Looking back at my life, I realise I've refused myself the best tins in life, and I sure did my best to refuse myself happiness. YES I had friends, and we laughed together but I made sure nobody got under the skin. Those who tried or succeeded, were kicked out hard and fast.
It's just funny what the human mind can do. Imagine you making decisions in your head without admitting the true depth and origin of your decisions.

Looking at my life from another perspective has helped me so much, in more ways than I bargained for. Feels like I'm standing by the sidelines and watching a show, only this time I'm watching it backwards. I have met so many wonderful people (friends, and acquitances) in my life, and I have lost even more. I have come to accept the fact that I do virtually anything to drive people away from me. I so much wanted to be left alone, yet I hated being lonely. I still don't know why I was so adamant to take life's journey on my own (or maybe I still don't want to admit the real reason), I'm just glad I'm doing much better these days. I'm beginning to see just how much better I am with people that care surrounding me.

Con amor

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