Wednesday 22 January 2020

Sacrifice

I don’t know about you, but I would rather be with a man who pretends, seems like the devil, admits to making mistakes by being human; but loves me truthfully and thoroughly. If I had such a man now, I wouldn’t give him up for anything in the world. I would spend my days loving him, and nights making love to him because I would want to cherish every minute we got to spend together. I would rather be with this man for 5 beautiful months than be with an angelic-looking demon for 5 horrible years.
It is such a mistake that I made when I left a man who showed me, love, in every little way he could just because my parents did not approve of him. He is the sort of man who just looking at him, gave the impression that he was a good for nothing being, but I loved him regardless. He did the little things for me in the brief period we spent together. He opened my doors, tied my shoelaces, combed my hair, he cooked for me, fed me, held me close, cuddled me every chance he got, he made me laugh and kept a constant smile on my lips. This man, this gorgeous specimen of a man loved me like nobody else ever has done. For 5 incredible months, I felt on top of the world. And I left all this love, just to be with the man my parents approve of. I knew it was a decision I would regret, but what choice did I have? It is said that parents are sacred and must be respected no matter what; their wishes must be accepted without question and their wants, have to become yours. This angelic looking man wooed my family first before me. He planted himself within my household and acted like he was the best man alive. I did not even argue with my parents when they made their decision.
I wasted no time in doing as I was instructed. Although my heart was with the man I loved, I left him to be with the one my parents favoured and I resolved to try my best to make it work with him. We began dating and got married in the space of 4 months. From our wedding night, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I heard my new husband speaking with his mistress from the bathroom of our honeymoon suite about missing her, about wishing she was the one he had married earlier that day. He loved her, and this did not hurt me as much as it should have. Being his new wife, it should have hurt a lot, but my own lover whose heart I had broken a bare 4 months ago resounded in my head. I swallowed the insult, accepting it as my first lesson in marriage. I couldn’t possibly walk out of my marriage after 10 hours, could I? So, I resolved to do my best to make it work. Even if I had to accept the knowledge that my husband is in love with another woman. He must love me too right? At least a little? Else would he be married to me this day?
I tried my best. God knows I tried my best to do everything for this man. I tried to love him unconditionally, but he made it so damn difficult. He was barely around, he made it quite obvious that he detests me (except when we have an audience of course). I remained with him, lovingly and faithfully for 5 horrible years before I couldn’t take it anymore. He was abusive in so many ways; verbally, psychologically, emotionally and a little physically. Although his physical abuse was occasional slaps across the face and a time when he kicked me across the abdomen – an act that caused my premature abortion -, the hurt he inflicted on me was extreme. I knew the solution was to walk out of the marriage, but fear of being a disappointment to my parents kept me in a loveless marriage for 5 years.
He didn’t even try. Didn’t contest the divorce, didn’t beg me to stay; nothing. I wasted 5 years of my life with a man who could never love me, all because I was trying to be a good child. Trying to be my parent’s pride and source of joy.
I do not regret doing my parent’s wish, but I do regret not making an effort for the love I lost. I didn’t even put up a fight. I just accepted it easily, for fear of being judged, for 5 damn years!


Con Amor

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