For a few months now, I could not write. Not that I lost my words or the passion I have for writing, but I just found myself without the zeal to write. Anything! I've been killing myself slowly with worry on the direction my life is taking.
My life is a combination of jumbled mess. I fail in every thing I do, I fail in my thoughts, I fail in my passions, and I even fail in my own talents. I'm not trying to sound pitiful as some automatically assume, I'm just telling myself the truth. I have lied through my teeth, pretending to be 'doing just fine', when in reality I'm actually messed up. Another thing I fail in, is my religion. I fail in my relationship with God, and I did not want to confront it until now. I have disappointed my Lord over and over again without thinking of how I may have been hurting him. I have ignored my creator just because things weren't going in a way I wanted it to.
A wake up call geared me into remorse, that came in the form of my own sister that I love more than myself, my friend who I can actually count on, and my favourite TV show. If the Lord isn't trying to tell me something with all these, then I don't know how else he could reach out to me. He loves me so much that he's been trying to lead me from my path of self destruct and I've just been too stubborn to take a breath and heed him.
I am sorry oh Lord! and if I could say it in every language in the world, I would. I have recognized my wrong, and I'm willing to come back to you. Lead me aright Lord; Help me cultivate a lifetime bond with you; Teach me how to do right by you; Forgive my trespasses; and love me unconditionally as you have done all my life!
..... Don't give up on your daughter now Ya Allah; Don't give up on me. Please!