Saturday, 17 January 2015

Second Chances.... #2

202 Seconds. That's all it took for Akin to sign the divorce papers n shove them at me. That's how long it took to decide the fate of my marriage, my marriage of 5years. 202 seconds was all it took to throw away the past 5years of my life. By the time he shoved the papers at me, I was still trying to decide if I was doing d right thing by staying with him or if I was making the costliest mistake of my life. He didn't even think about it, about me, about us, n our child. His voice drifts around in my head, n I realise he was asking if I had any documents I wanted him to sign. I shake my head, gather the papers, n walk out of his office.

Nike had come up with this "master plan"- Get ur hair made, visit the spa, apply some makeup, wear something special (aka seductive), and pay him a surprise visit at work. 'He'll see what he's been missing out on, and come back home'. I did everything like she said, and to be honest, I didn't have to try hard at all. For a 32 year old, and a mother, I am small n petite. I opted to go without makeup, he loved me better without anyway. I wore a low back, tight fitting mini gown that made me look and feel like a whore: all for a man I wanna stay married to! And here I am, feeling like I had just been dished a feisty slap on the face.

When I got to his office, he welcomed me with a smile, offered me a seat, and poured me some juice. Surely this was a good sign, I thought to myself, it had to mean something.. we wasted no time for chitchat, just went straight to the point. I told him I had come to talk about our daughter and aw our decisions where affecting her. He looked thoughtful for a minute before rising. He said he had been thinking a lot about her , and would make it all okay. I smiled to myself and glanced at the time, I1:17am. I didn't notice Akin return with a thick brown envelope and cheque book. I was thinking about my neighbor.... I hope he's doing alright. As soon as I decided to remain with my husband, I explained my reasons to him, and begged him to stay away from us. Although my neighbor and I never had anything intimate, we both felt the strong chemistry pulling us. I wanted to avoid any and every thing that would make Akin jealous or upset, so it was no brainer that I had to sacrifice my neighbour. I don't want my girl to face any stigmatization, and I want the father of my child present in her life- to nurture her with me. But is it worth the pain I'll be subjecting myself to? Am I strong enough, physically and mentally? ... That's when I felt d papers hit my knees, and I became aware again. The first word that jumped at me  is "Divorce". I looked at my watch again, just to see if I was in a dream. 202 seconds was all it took to write me a cheque of 1million naira and sign divorce papers.

I went straight home and cried for hours. I don't know which one hurts the most, the fact that I have lost my husband, or that I failed- my marriage, my God, my parents, myself, and my daughter? Or maybe it's that I feel terrible for throwing my neighbor's love back at him... A love I should have cradled and held on to...

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