Wednesday, 9 January 2013

A Quarter Of Our World..... 3

He did give me "sex" without protection alright  maybe in a cruel way but as a wife I had to get over it. And get over it I did when I found out I was with baby just 2 months later. I did not even bother to share the news with him as soon as I found out. I love and respect my husband very much, but some of his recent actions have made me fear him too. I dare not look into his eyes the few times I get to serve him his meal, and I don't sit close enough where he can reach out and hurt me. I moved out of our bedroom into a spare room so he could have enough breathing space (and of course, so I could have my privacy). About 4 months into my pregnancy, I had started showing and I took extra effort in hiding it by wearing body shapers. I chose to start showing off little cleavage in the quest to draw attention away from my tummy, and also in hope that my husband would notice me and we could rebuild our passion (what can I say? I'm a fool and hopelessly optimistic!). As usual, it didn't work to my advantage. My husband did notice alright, but never made any move of reaching out to me. He would simply make passing comments about being a prostitute and all the sorts. I never actually minded anything he said in hope that we could still reconcile but deep down in my mind, I knew my marriage had failed! I just couldn't accept it in my heart. Besides the yoruba girl in me would not walk away from her marriage, and the romantic in me is still deluded that deep down somewhere he still loves me.

Now I know what you're thinking... why don't I just tell him about my pregnancy, maybe it will draw us back together! But is it really enough? Does any woman gain any satisfaction knowing that she can do nothing to bring her man home other than a baby? My case is even more special being that he still raises his hand at me. He may not roll up his sleeves to beat me black and blue like he did that night 4 months ago, but I still get the slaps and shoves, and manhandling every other day. I'm only grateful that he hasn't come to my bed yet as I don't even think I could allow it. A couple of days after my pregnancy clocked 18 weeks; I went to work and had a terrible day. The day started all wrong, and I had a suspicion it would end even worse and I was right. I left work that day and ran to the bus stop but I missed my bus by just a few seconds. I was tired, and I couldn't wait 15 more minutes to get another bus so I called a cab. Five minutes later, I was on my way home and I relaxed in the cab thinking maybe the day wouldn't end so badly after all....

"We’re here ma'am." the driver woke me as we stopped in front of my house, and I paid him before leaving the vehicle. I had no idea I had slept off, I must have been more tired than I let on, and I had to go make dinner before I could get any rest, but as I turned away from the cab and saw my husband waiting on the front porch, I knew certainly that this day had just began going wrong!. I tried smiling at him and greeted him without getting any response. He turned and when in, and I said a short prayer that he wouldn't hit me this evening before following him. As soon as I got in, I knew my prayer hadn't been answered because he instantly welcomed me with a hot slap. I tried getting my balance as I had almost slipped to the floor as he started ranting on about where I was, and I should tell him the name of the man who put me in a cab home. He said he knew something was up with my new sense of dressing, and he was determined to beat the truth out of me. I was scared, and my cheeks stung like hell! He pulled me forward to him, and my shoe heel broke, leaving me unstable again, and he demanded to know the truth before he killed me with his bare hands. I pleaded with him and when he gave me the second slap that made me go down, I didn't know when it slipped "I'M PREGNANT!!!!" At first, it seemed like time had stopped and the earth had stopped rotating, as the room was still. The silence was deafening and I could swear I heard his heartbeat from the floor. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally heard his voice "What?!" That alone scared me more than his slap, and all I could do was sit where I was and try to get to him in the best possible manner I could. "I'm 18 weeks pregnant darling, I'm having your baby", but he did not even allow me to complete my sentence before saying in plain english "You're getting an abortion!" I was shocked, and amazed... abortion? When I was almost 5 months along? Is he crazy? Could he hate me that much?... He saw the look on my face and continued "You will get an abortion tomorrow Ireti or I swear by my mother's life I'll abort it myself!", and just like that day over 18weeks ago, he walked out on me and out of our home... Again leaving me in pains

Con amor

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