Wednesday, 17 August 2011


If i'm ever gonna write a memoir, I'll make sure it ends wit- I've had no regrets...
At least, i tell myself that a lot. Maybe one day I'll believe it but frankly, I'd be deceiving myself. Seriously, we'd all be deceiving ourselves if we claim to have had no regrets at all. In all aspects of our daily lives, we all make mistakes. Some, daily while others, yearly; but we still do.
Looking back now at some choices/mistakes i might have regretted making, i realise that they may be choices i would gladly make all over again given a second chance;
Like when i attempted my first suicide. I was quite young, but I had had more pains than kids my age, and less fun (not to talk of friends). I can only associate my action then, with depression. A kid, depressed? Well, u can give me your explanation, if you've got any! Anyway, i would probably make the mistake again if i had to replay it. This day helped me a lot, at least in the emotional department. I was finally able to detach myself from my body each time i fell ill, thereby feeling less or no pain. It was almost like i stood outside my own body watching, until it was over. In short, that day taught me to be strong and i learnt well.
Another example is my first relationship. I never loved the guy, i never even wanted to date him. Twas just that he pestered me so much that i gave in at some point (i.e. pity). The relationship didn't turn out bad, in fact it was amazing. Only problem was; we were more of friends than lovers. We should never have dated, we should have just remained friends. We had a very promising friendship between us, and i already made him my best male friend. As soon as i decided to call off d relationship, it was all over. I lost a great friend with a pretend relationship. Think about it: If i had to rewind time, i would have made this same mistake. If i had chosen to turn him out and refuse him, he would have probably left (especially after 4 long months of pestering) and i wouldn't have had the chance to be his friend.
The third example I'll point out, is the first time i had sex. Now, that's a major choice, which led to a terrible mistake and thus, a huge regret. The timing was wrong, so was the where. My attitude towards it was wrong, in short everything about it was totally wrong (so not how i dreamt). The only good thing that i could draw from that was the fact that i loved the guy ( at least, i thought i did). Turned out it was just all my imagination playing a fast one on me. Well, if i had to redo that.. I think i might have done it all over again at that wrong time, and wrong place, and with that wrong attitude.

In summary, some of the things we consider mistakes might not actually be if we look at them properly. Imagine that event and if you had to choose again. What will influence your decision? Maybe you were meant to make that mistake in the first place. Maybe that's what was meant to define you, to make you who you are today...

Con amor

No comments:

Post a Comment