Friday, 26 June 2015


Have you noticed that as we celebrate more birthdays in life, our topic of discussion tends to change. We stop talking about ‘toasters’ at a certain age; we stop talking about boyfriends and their attitudes; we stop talking about our ability to play games in relationship. Our conversations starts getting more serious and are mostly dominated by husbands, soul mates, life partners, et al. We start complaining about the lack of suitors, we complain about un-serious guys, and such. I recently had a chat with a girlfriend who’s a couple of years older than I am, and I felt disgusted when I later reflected on our conversation that we didn't actually talk about anything of note. We only talked about MEN..

What struck me particularly as odd is that she had resigned to fate and was no longer comfortable with her single status. She expressed her fear of being a spinster, fear of being judged, and fear of remaining alone all her life! I was shocked that one person could have so many fears concerning the same issue, when I am deliberately staying away from men and the likes. My friend, bearing in mind her single status and her fears, made the unconscious decision to get her father to arrange her marriage. When I pointed this out, she starting getting scared to actually go through with it knowing well that it would seal up her fate! You could see her confusion when I began trying to dissuade her from her dangerous line of thought. To further confuse her however, I asked if she could sign a marriage contract for convenience and she said “God forbid”! My question, what’s the difference in what you are about doing and getting married for convenience? What’s wrong in signing a contract with a man and specifying agreed terms into it?! At least, then you can express your desire before going into it.

If you’re not sure of the deal you are getting, is it really worth it to do it? You need to recognize the difference between what you deserve and what you are settling for. Arranging your own marriage without details of what you are getting into is bad enough; asking a parent to arrange your marriage blindly is just a terrible idea. As I always tell my mother: times have changed, what you accepted from my father early in marriage can never go down well with me. Honestly, arranged marriages work well for some people and they live happily with growing love but it fails horribly for others. I just don’t think it is ideal in this century any more. My father may make the best choices for me when it comes to some life choices, but he can never know the kind of man I want as a partner. Hell! Even I am not certain of the kind of man I want.

Con amor

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