Monday, 6 April 2015

'living life'

I wouldn't call it giving up, or any thing of sorts, seeing as I don't entertain such worthless emotions.
I would rather use the word- uninterested.
I had a chat with my mother only this afternoon and skilfully broached the subject of my well-hidden desire just to know if it'll be agreeable with her. And of course, I got the cynical look with the popular short and explanatory sentence- `God forbid`. Although I smiled, I couldn't let the subject go. I argued both points in my head and tried analysing what I'd said by thinking if truly God would forbid something that makes me happy or fulfilled. I was told (and I'm still being told) that you need to ask and it shall be given; seek and you shall find. I was told that desiring something wasn't just enough, I also had to ask God for it before he makes it more of a reality than fantasy. So, why then would God forbid a desire that is likely to make me live a better life, simply because it doesn't fall in someone else's category of `living life`.

Fear not, I have not asked too much nor am I making demands, but can't I be a respected lady without hitching another's identity to mine? Think about it ladies. All our lives, we are taught, nurtured, and prepared for that one thing- marriage. There is no assumption that one or two of the bunch may not develop interest in such `normalcy`, because it is naturally expected of us as we attain certain ages/positions to bring home a man (no matter if she might grow to hate him), get hitched, and start living under his identity or even in his shadow. Some of us are even given a deadline to tie the knot... If society dictates that I cannot have my own identity and be respected if I do not have a man attached, then of what point is the education I spent so many years gaining? Since I was taught to think and reason independently.

What is wrong in having no desire to get married? This question has been lingering in my mind longer than the idea of having a boyfriend has. Only I truly know myself and I know that marriage is no bed of roses, maybe that's the reason I've unconsciously dated guys that are not marry-able. I have always desired having a kid or two, but as a single parent. Society may judge me harshly or even shun me, but I can live with it, rather than have an unhappy existence. In fairness to the institution (marriage) though, it is supposedly a wonderful experience and some people are actually happier married. I just don't think it's for me.!
Don't confuse me for what I am not please, I am neither gay nor am I anti-men. On the contrary, I love men and would love to raise a great man one day, just not as a married woman. I've never been a rebel or a disobedient child but I find that when it comes to the topic of my marriage, I just ignore my parents. Hopefully in the next 4 years until I turn 30, they will understand my wish and I can give them a grandchild or two if I won't be too much of a societal disappointment.

A very opinionated lady


  1. We all have to make a choice between doing what we want and what society expects of us at some point. It's not always easy and sometimes there doesn't even seem to be a right answer. On this issue however, I'd say you need to do a lot more thinking. It's never a good idea to alienate one's parents. You may argue that times are changing but I'd say not fast enough for you.

    1. Umar, tnk you for ur comment. I have no desire to alienate my parents. On the contrary, all I want is for them to be proud of me, bcos of what I have achieved as an independent lady, and not becos I decided to get married. Everyday for the past 26years, I have mostly sacrificed my wants for my family's wishes. I cannot say that I've truly lived a life when most of my decisions/actions are not actually mine. I have thought long and hard about it and my decision is that I do not want to continue living that way. Marriage isn't my idea of a happy life, and I doubt if it'll ever be!