Love? Yes, please!

I read a story on the internet about a couple that were so in love and the husband usually gives his wife 46 bouquets, and a note that reads "my love for you grows", on every valentine's day. Her husband died, leaving her alone with 4 kids, but on the next valentine's day, she received her flowers (46 bouquets) and a note from her husband. She thought it must have been a mistake and called the florist who then told her that her husband had prepaid for many years and made them promise to continue sending her bouquets every valentine's Day with his note attached. Oh, the new note read "my love for you is eternal"

Can you imagine having that kind of love in real life, these days? A love that is beyond physical and that goes on even after death? A love that is thoughtful and sweet? People like me would want to fall and stay in love!!

Moving on, I surfed the net (precisely facebook) and I saw a cute picture. It was a colourful cake that looks like it may be delicious! On it, were the words "Can I Pamper you Tomorrow?" (The picture was posted yesterday, 13th february). This is one of the most thoughtful and sweet things I've seen during any valentine's celebration. The fact that he or she thought of doing something for his/her partner before the much awaited St Valentine's day makes the gesture sweet. Also, he/she actually asked if his/her partner wanted to be pampered on Valentine's day, thereby leaving room for "option". He/She didn't just assume that the partner would be free to be pampered. Thirdly, the word he/she used on the cake is one I love "pamper", he/she didn't say "can I take care of you?" As most people (men) do (as if you can't take care of yourself without their help *eyesrolling*).. When I hear the word "pamper", what comes to mind is; waking up to breakfast in bed, a special home cooked meal for your partner that you've obviously put a lot of effort in, and a personal massage to ease your partner's tension/stress (doesn't matter if you aint that good). Whether it was a man or a lady that gave the cake doesn't matter in the end, as they will both feel a certain thrill at being so thoughtful to each other.

See? That's proof that I'm actually not anti-love, I'm actually a very huge fan of lovers (:D ). I'm also not an anti-valentine's day person, I just hate what we've turned love into. When I expressed what I considered to mean "pamper", take note that everything I said there are expressions of love that can be done any day of the year and as many times as you desire. I guess it can be done on St Valentine's day as well, since its also a day like any other (and to me, simply 14th of february) but gestures of love like this should NOT ONLY be expressed on Valentine's. I wrote an article this day last year, emphasising that if a man can not show me love on a regular day, then he shouldn't bother showing extra love on St. Valentine's day and I meant it!: Read here- http://thoughtsbyaries.blogspot.com/2012/02/val-craze.html?m=0

Love, is a beautiful thing, whether single or not and the thought of knowing you've loved, been loved, and are still in love has to be the best feeling in the world (of course, it also means you aint so bad and someone somewhere can tolerate you... Hehehehe). Seriously though, love is worth being celebrated: I just don't believe it should be celebrated once a year because a man died on the 14th day in february ages ago (as if that is something to be celebrating), but it should be celebrated at every given chance and opportunity! Love should be expressed in different gestures daily (those little gestures count more than diamonds or 100K gold once in a year), and NOT just on St. Valentine's Day!!!

P.S:- Try not to make single people (like me) feel like jumping into the ocean to escape all the annoyances flying about! Thank you, for being so considerate (in advance) and have a thoughtful day with your lover.

Cuando te digo la belleza del amor, es porque me ha encantado!

Con amor

A Quarter Of Our World.....

I always thought that "change", meant to be virtually a different person but today taught me that I couldn't be more wrong. You can change a persons appearance and looks, but you can not change someone's attitude and outlook on the world.

I have a lot worrying me and though I vowed not to let any get to me, I just can't keep them at bay. My name is Ireti, and I am what you call a coward. I am the girl that doesn't even have the confidence to tell the truth when it is needed most, I'm the girl that accepts everyone's wrath like it is meant to be a part of me. I am the girl who doesn't have the nerve to say what it is I want n what I do not! So, in my definition, I'm a coward.
I should tell you a little about myself. I am 26 years of age, and reside in New York. I am an asthmatic patient, and I've had acute chest syndrome before. I read your blog and was really inspired by your confidence, the way you just express yourself and confidently aired your problem for the world to see. I have a hubby whom I love so very dearly, partly because he's been there through it all. He loves me too, but he's quite controlling and unreasonable at times. We met on my 23rd birthday, in Lagos Nigeria. He came with a friend of his, who was also a friend of mine so introduction was easily done. We exchanged contact that day, and after a few days, he expressed his interest in me. He told me he really admired my beauty and would love to be in a relationship with me. I didn't even wait to think twice about it, I said yes immediately. I was 23 years, single, with concerned parents, so I just wanted to be in a relationship that may lead to marriage. We started dating, and shared each others stories, dreams, aspirations. We professed love for each other, and met our families. Everything was going smooth, and before we knew it, we had been dating for two years. Wedding bells began to ring, and both families were excited. My wedding was planned, and it was beautiful. I felt the part of a happy bride and my groom was ecstatic. Honeymoon was in Paris, for less than 2 weeks. After the wedding though, and we had settled into our routines of a "normal life", we started having problems. If I left the house, my husband would accuse me of cheating. If I received a call, he could get angry and throw it out. When at work, he would call almost 10 times in a day just to confirm I was actually at work. Sometimes, he would 'drop by' without warning and if I wasn't at work, I knew I was in trouble. I have lived in a "home" like this with my husband for the past year. What I don't get though, is how I didn't notice his obsessive behaviour from the beginning. I told no one about this issue since I didn't think it was very serious. He was just jealous, and at least he never raised his hand to hit me. A few months ago, we decided to move to the United States after he won a visa lottery. I tried to reason with him that we had our lives here, with a job and our families. He wouldn't listen though, it was simply what he wanted and I "was to go with him" as his wife!

Just last month, I got a job and it has been like back home. He's always suspicious of my every movement and conversations, but this time, he cannot drop by unexpectedly at my office. So, he started hitting me. I had a lot to do at the hospital one day, and got home about 30 minutes after he did. As soon as I got home, I begged him and hurried to make a quick dinner. When I served him, he asked me to kneel down and started asking me questions. He asked me where I had been, why his dinner wasn't waiting for him when he got home and if what I was doing was more important than he was. I tried explaining myself to him, but he would hear none of it. He accused me of all sort of despicable things and before I knew what was coming, he slapped me. I was shocked! I was tempted to raise my hand back in reflex but had to hold myself back. This is my husband, the man I loved with my heart. He must be very mad at me, and I vowed never to get home late again. I begged him, and told him how sorry I was, before making him the promise that I would never get home late again. Unfortunately though, when a man hits you once, he can never stop doing it...................



Con amor

What Love Is....

It took me awhile to be able to draft this post as I had no idea what I wanted to write about and I definitely dint know how to express what was bugging me!

Lately, I've been reading a lot on love and relationships (mostly bad and true), and I know I’m not qualified to tell anyone about love, but I suddenly felt like being an advocate for Love. It ain’t always that bad...

We all know love isn’t full of roses; a love that seems sweet at the beginning definitely has sharp thorns on the way. The bits n pieces of broken hearts we come across on the way don’t even make it seem like a big deal to fall in love again these days. If you have ever fallen in love, you’ll realise that it is almost the yummiest thing on earth though, also the saddest; very confusing at times, but still with sweet memories. I have once tasted those sweet-yummy-hot-dangerous-passionate love before and of course we both got burned on the way out, but one thing I learnt is that "When it is true love, then nothing can be compared". The heartbreaks don’t matter, they heal with time. The tears don’t count, they dry up within seconds. But the laughers, the happiness and joy, those can never be replaced! They are the beauty of loving.

The crazy aspect of loving, however, is the torture of the uncertainty. You don’t ask questions, yet you’re not sure if you’re doing the right things or not. You have no idea where you stand in the relationship and you wonder at night if you’re the only one or if you’ll still be in a relationship the following morning. When you do ask the questions, you are still uncertain if your partner loves you like you do. I have to confess that I’ve been guilty of this part of loving; though mine was in a different form. I kept questioning myself if I was good enough, what I was doing wrongly, if it was all worth it. My problem was that an idea had been firmly rooted in my mind that kept making me unsure of myself, and once an idea has been planted in my head, it never comes out. No matter how hard I try to forget some words or jokes, I just can’t seem to. And my subconscious takes them so serious that I later refer to those statements whenever I feel unworthy, making me only more certain that I definitely wasn’t good enough. I say this is my worst part in loving and it’s definitely the toughest!

Now, the worst part of love to most people and the easiest part for me is the heartbreak. I think it’s the easiest aspect because the torture is finally over, the tears are over and done with, the emotional tortures? Gone! When you’ve gotten to this stage, I don’t see any use weeping over spilt milk. You’re supposed to just get up, pick up the pieces and do something worthwhile with your life. You play yourself some good music and inspire your mind with lovely poems. Tell yourself over n over in a mirror that you deserve so much better than the guy, eat some chocolates, go shopping n get you some sexy outfits, tell yourself again that you don’t need a man, and then make yourself desirable.. ‘Scuse me? Did I hear you say heartbreak???

Finally, the easiest part of loving to some but most difficult part for me is moving on...                                        I don’t know how to do it. I have loved in a particular place, and invested all my emotions, and moving on seems near impossible for me. I can even try going on a million dates, and maybe have an affair or 2, but love is once in a lifetime for me... Best I can do is pretend to move on, and make myself worthy of any lucky dude that comes ma way...

But all in all, Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world and it doesn’t hesitate to keep a smile on my face everyday...

Con amor.

story of my life...(the untold truth).

I woke up this morning feeling tired and weak, not wanting to get outta bed. Then I slept some more, and didn't get up till 11am. When I eventually picked up my phone to read my messages, I noticed the date. 22nd of July.

Two years ago today, I had a hip surgery. It was the day I had thought would be the last for me. It was also the day God, in his awesome glory saved me and made me believe! Its a day I always sit back and reminisce, and its also a day I wish I could forget forever. Its been two years, but its so vivid in my head. Yes, 2010 is the worst year I've ever had, but it was also my transgressing year. The year I left a part of me behind before forging ahead. The year I stopped having the fear of dying. The year my tears got dried and I comforted myself. The year I grew strong, much stronger than I ever knew I could be. That year, I learnt a lot. I learnt so much about life and existence, I learnt that I had a lot to be grateful for and I was indeed blessed. So what if I had lost a lot that year? The people that really wanted to be in my life stuck around anyway!. I lost friends, love, my sanity, my hope, and both the head of my femur.

It was on a bright thursday (@least in the hospital) and the nurses came to me; "Eyitayo, it's time" they said before handing me a theatre gown. I looked at it, and asked if we couldn't wait just a lil longer? That I wanted to see my parents before going in for the surgery. I said a short prayer, having given up hope deep inside. I prayed for my family, that HE grant them the strength to accept the loss if it went bad. I was then wheeled to the theatre...

Less than 3months before (may 2nd), I had had the right hip done by a team of medical specialists from the UK. It was my first time in the theatre, and it went perfectly. I stayed awake through the procedure, laughed and made jokes with the surgeons, chatted with the anaesthetist, and in less than 2hours I was back in my room, drowsy and hungry at the same time! In 2days, I was outta bed and on my feet exercising my leg and I was discharged on the 6th day! Days went by, and I was recovering fine... I even anticipated the second surgery, I wanted it done quickly so I could recuperate together. Unluckily for me, the doctors told me they had to give it a space of 3months. Boy! Did the 3months seem like 30years! Anyway, I was real hopeful about my condition especially since the right hip had gone so well, until the second week in june. It had seemed like an endless wait to hear from the surgeons and I had started imagining the worst. I started loosing faith, and wondering if the second surgery would go as perfect as the first or if that would be the end. In short, I had it in my head that the probability of the second surgery going perfect was 50-50, which wasn't a good probability for me. I could not get that lucky twice, or could I?

It was already past 2hours, awake, and my left leg was still being pulled. The brief shot of pain I felt jerked me awake from my thoughts, and I called the attention of the anaesthetist (different from the last) to the pain. She gave me another shot of injection through the thin tube inserted in my spine, and I went numb below once again. I looked at the time and I had to ask the surgeons (also different from the last); "is anything wrong?" And they told me everything was good, just a lil issh that was being taken care of. 2hours turned into 3 and at this point, I had gotten tired! As in, real tired. I was very weak, and all I wanted to do was rest. I just wanted to sleep and really rest for the first time in 9months! It felt so good to be pain free, if only for a few hours and I only wanted to sleep peacefully. It was the thought of my sister that kept me awake. I imagined how she would never forgive me if I went to rest. I dozed off a couple of times, but I kept waking myself up. I thought of my parents, how heart broken they would be. So, I gave myself the courage again to be strong (for them). Over 4hours went by, and the surgery was finally over. I was wheeled outta the theatre again and taken to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit).

Two years have gone by, and I'm doing very well (Alhamdulillah). I have used my smile to face the world again, and I've developed a new self confidence. I'm happily getting back some of what I lost, and building a bright future for myself. I'm happy I went through everything I did, when I did because as of today, I know deep down that I'm a much better, stronger, and more confident person than I ever was before! I am proud of being me, and I'm not ashamed to share my experience. I was saved, given a second chance, and a purpose to live. I thank the good Lord, for keeping me alive till this day and may he continue to grant me good health as well as long life and prosperity!.
God bless you...



LadyAries,
Con amor.

S1/E1...

"....I'm sorry, it's over"
"...I met someone else"
"...I love you, but this can't work"
"...you're simply not good enough"

It's surprising just how little it takes to get a broken heart(Or rather, brought back to the real world)!. It's a misery why we even bother falling in the fantasy of "love" at all, when all we gain from it is sorrow and tears in the end.

 #The beauty of love, is getting your heart broken; but still finding a lil of the pieces to continue loving.....#
I read that somewhere and I must say, I find it very true. The beauty of love, how rare! Who doesn't know love is painful?... Only problem I have with that logic is; how easy is it to continue loving when someone just shattered your heart into a million pieces? Which of the tiny fragments will you pick together? How can you mend something so fragile? Loving takes a whole heart, not a part of it and It takes a lot of determination, will, as well as courage for any woman to entrust an important piece of her (I.ε her heart), to a man... A worthy man.
They say; "A man that can not show his woman (and the world) the degree of his love, is not worthy of her love". Is this true? Some people may not just be comfortable with expressing(or may not know how to express) emotion. I've read so much about love, that it gets both enlightening and confusing at the same time. It's about time I stopped reading, and actually define what the word "LOVE" is to me. Actually, I think everyone should know what love means to them before expressing it. Or, how can you feel something you don't understand?

Loving to me, is more than saying "I love you". Loving is power, its weakness, its sacrifice. Loving is that very confused emotion that just keeps drawing you to that 1 person! Love is when a man decides to flaunt his woman to the world and is proud of her achievements (no matter how little), while helping her to grow".

I personally don't bother trying to fall in love again with all the complexity n all, but life just has a way of giving us a sucker punch in the form of "love" especially when we least expect it. And after, starts a whole new process of heart break.
Life has played me different series, but when it comes to this episode of love, I'm yet to know the title of my story nor do I know the cast. I only hope to be favoured with not only an understanding man, but also a man that's proud to walk side by side with me and tell the world; "She's mine, My Queen!!"



Con amor

A Berry Birthday to ME!..

I awoke this morning by 4am (if you consider waking up every 30mins to check the time sleeping) to get ready and go to the airport to await my sister's arrival.

 It's a very special occasion for me because it's also my birthday! YippieE!!! So, today's my birthday, I'm 23 and my sister decided to make the day special by gracing the occasion with her arrival. Actually, she's always made my birthday special and put smiles on my face. This year is no different, and that's one reason I love her so much!

I remember my 22nd birthday, last year when I was feeling quite detached. My sis left her PPA early, and brought a birthday to my office. She bought me a yummy muffin and tried placing 22 candles on it! (Lool ... You can imagine), then she placed M&M's on the cake plus a drink to go with d occasion. She gave me a cute lil blue journal as a gift. I was tear joyed. Even remembering it now brings happy tears to my eyes. I call her my world, because she's the only constant in my life and she always makes me happy!.

So, today she made it extra special!. She bought me tons of goodies! And all the birthday gifts I got? Awesome! Some fom her and others, my uncles in UK sent. Oh and I love the cards so so much. Our imam also came over for a special prayer. Everyone has either called or sent sms and I see myself on the dp of 80% of my contact list, I feel so loved right now!

I woke up with a smile, and I'm still smiling. Alhamdulillah I'm alive, healthy and happy!.. Insha Allah, I hope to be alive to see many more years in good health, happiness, and fulfilment.

Thank you all for giving me a beautiful birthday filled with berries!!!



Con amor

Val-craze!

So, valentine's over and a lotta heart breaks trailing behind it...

I hope ya'll had a fun february 14th, cause mine was BORING!.. It probably had something to do with my single status more than my disinterest in the day, but it was still very much dry. I've always seen the whole celebration as "way over board", and why won't I?

Going to work in the morning from home, I couldn't count the number of reds' and whites' I saw! Even old market women wore red and white. That's to point just how popular "valentine's day" is. Okay seriously, I understand how red was chosen to represent the day (courtesy of the colour of the heart), but how did white make it on d chart?

Anyway, my point is; After spending lots of money (in dis economic state of the country o) on meals, gifts, and of course fuel (on top subsidy removal). Exactly what has been the gain?

Okay!, maybe I'm just saying all these because I had no one to spend it with but deep down, I still can't fathom why anyone would want to throw around so much money without a care. The money could have served more purpose to you if invested, and would have put smiles on lots of children's faces if donated to an orphanage!

What happened to valentine cards, with fake roses on it? What happened to composing love poems or letters on valentine? What the heck happened to just sending text messages?

Well, I should probably inform #myfuturehubby formally now that we must never waste money on such occasions if it ain't our anniversary. Any affection or love you can't show on a normal day should stay buried in you on "valentine's day".



Con amor