A Quarter Of Our World.....

I always thought that "change", meant to be virtually a different person but today taught me that I couldn't be more wrong. You can change a persons appearance and looks, but you can not change someone's attitude and outlook on the world.

I have a lot worrying me and though I vowed not to let any get to me, I just can't keep them at bay. My name is Ireti, and I am what you call a coward. I am the girl that doesn't even have the confidence to tell the truth when it is needed most, I'm the girl that accepts everyone's wrath like it is meant to be a part of me. I am the girl who doesn't have the nerve to say what it is I want n what I do not! So, in my definition, I'm a coward.
I should tell you a little about myself. I am 26 years of age, and reside in New York. I am an asthmatic patient, and I've had acute chest syndrome before. I read your blog and was really inspired by your confidence, the way you just express yourself and confidently aired your problem for the world to see. I have a hubby whom I love so very dearly, partly because he's been there through it all. He loves me too, but he's quite controlling and unreasonable at times. We met on my 23rd birthday, in Lagos Nigeria. He came with a friend of his, who was also a friend of mine so introduction was easily done. We exchanged contact that day, and after a few days, he expressed his interest in me. He told me he really admired my beauty and would love to be in a relationship with me. I didn't even wait to think twice about it, I said yes immediately. I was 23 years, single, with concerned parents, so I just wanted to be in a relationship that may lead to marriage. We started dating, and shared each others stories, dreams, aspirations. We professed love for each other, and met our families. Everything was going smooth, and before we knew it, we had been dating for two years. Wedding bells began to ring, and both families were excited. My wedding was planned, and it was beautiful. I felt the part of a happy bride and my groom was ecstatic. Honeymoon was in Paris, for less than 2 weeks. After the wedding though, and we had settled into our routines of a "normal life", we started having problems. If I left the house, my husband would accuse me of cheating. If I received a call, he could get angry and throw it out. When at work, he would call almost 10 times in a day just to confirm I was actually at work. Sometimes, he would 'drop by' without warning and if I wasn't at work, I knew I was in trouble. I have lived in a "home" like this with my husband for the past year. What I don't get though, is how I didn't notice his obsessive behaviour from the beginning. I told no one about this issue since I didn't think it was very serious. He was just jealous, and at least he never raised his hand to hit me. A few months ago, we decided to move to the United States after he won a visa lottery. I tried to reason with him that we had our lives here, with a job and our families. He wouldn't listen though, it was simply what he wanted and I "was to go with him" as his wife!

Just last month, I got a job and it has been like back home. He's always suspicious of my every movement and conversations, but this time, he cannot drop by unexpectedly at my office. So, he started hitting me. I had a lot to do at the hospital one day, and got home about 30 minutes after he did. As soon as I got home, I begged him and hurried to make a quick dinner. When I served him, he asked me to kneel down and started asking me questions. He asked me where I had been, why his dinner wasn't waiting for him when he got home and if what I was doing was more important than he was. I tried explaining myself to him, but he would hear none of it. He accused me of all sort of despicable things and before I knew what was coming, he slapped me. I was shocked! I was tempted to raise my hand back in reflex but had to hold myself back. This is my husband, the man I loved with my heart. He must be very mad at me, and I vowed never to get home late again. I begged him, and told him how sorry I was, before making him the promise that I would never get home late again. Unfortunately though, when a man hits you once, he can never stop doing it...................



Con amor