Confessions of the sinful saint #1

Having spent all my life differentiating wrong from right, it is a wonder how I found myself in my current predicament. I never would have thought in a million years, that the woman I was staring at in the mirror would be me. But was it really? Of course, I recognize my body standing there, my own hands are what I see holding myself, it is my eyes I see, clouded in its depth with sadness and pain, staring back at me in the mirror. How I have become this woman I stare at, is what beats me. How did I completely let go of all my principles, my right and wrong? How did I get things so wrong? How did I become this? The other woman…
When I became the other woman is a good place to start. I was 22 years old when I first met Rokan at a mutual friend’s party. The party was legit. Every important Corper in Lagos state was there. It was the last party we would attend before passing out and collecting our NYSC certificates the next day. Rokan and I were introduced at the party, and it’s safe to say that we hit it right up. We spent hours talking and laughing as though we had known each other for ages. We just connected in a way I had never done with any other, before. It was extraordinary. It was like something sprang alive inside me when he hugged me that night.
Rokan and I began our love affair shortly after that. Everything with him just felt right. He couldn’t go wrong as far as I was concerned. I got a job with a bank, that coincidentally was just two blocks away from Rokan’s place of work. With this development, our relationship got even stronger (if that’s possible). We went to work together, had lunch together, and returned home together. Life was beautiful, and I couldn’t believe my luck. This is a successful good looking young man that was thoroughly in love with me, and I reciprocated the love with even greater intensity. Rokan broke my virginity less than 4months into our relationship: He could no longer wait, he said. After all, I would be his for the taking eventually. The introduction of sex to our relationship made the bond grow more. We couldn’t get enough of each other, nor could we bear to be apart from the other for only 2 days.
On a hot Saturday morning, I left my house with the intent of going to make a new hairstyle at the salon. Halfway there, I remembered that I had left my new weave in Rokan’s house the previous weekend. Thing is, it had become some sort of a norm for me to go over to Rokan’s place every Saturday evening, spend the night, and then make him food that would sustain him through each week. As I parked my car in front of the gate, I saw an incredibly beautiful fair woman walk out of his gate and a few seconds later, Rokan followed. Our eyes locked and I could see the guilt in his. I did not even need to ask, I had seen enough. Before his companion could notice what was amiss, he smiled. He looked down at her and put her into an Uber cab that had just arrived. Although I did not hear it, I felt him tell her he loved her… And I wept.
As soon as the cab was out of sight, he opened my car door and began to apologize. He kept saying he could explain. After about an hour of us both crying our hearts out, outside his home, I finally agreed to be led inside. We sat down in the living room and the only question I could come up with was “why cheat? Where did I displease you?”. Rokan stared at me with such intensity that frightened me, and then he sighed. “We have to talk”, he said.

Con Amor